Thursday, April 19, 2007

Transaction Analysis: National Garlic Day Edition

April 19th, for absolutely no discernible reason, is National Garlic Day. Since I really have nothing in the way of an introduction, I'll just leave it at that and turn it over to Chadsky. (El Angelo)

I whole-heartedly support both this Day and the GRBG's decision to honor it. Garlic is the greatest thing since sliced prosciutto. Not only does it taste great, it lowers blood pressure, repels vampires, and gives passed gas a lovely, nutty bouquet. I like to think that the GRBG does the same, with the possible exception of the vampire repelling thing (Teddy)

b. mcbeef goldthwait (nee bobcat goldthwaits)

  • Signed Ryan Thierot, 2B, Chicago (NL); Released Coco Crisp, OF, Boston [4/18]

This is the front runner right here for Best Transaction entry of the year in terms of name. Not only do we have the tremendously inspired re-naming of the squad, but they've apparently dumped a breakfast cereal for a retired Irish/French colonel. If we could get Oddibe McDowell & Esix Snead involved, I may just quit writing these TA's altogether, as there'd be nowhere to go but down. (El Angelo)

"Thierot" is very close to "Theuriau", which I will seize on as a pretext to post this photograph of French newscaster Melissa Theuriau. (Teddy)

Ed Rooney's Office

Signed Chris Duncan, 1B/OF, St. Louis and Adam Lind, OF, Toronto; Released Milton Bradley, OF, Oakland [4/16]

Clearly there was friction in the clubhouse after the tumultuous interview with Mr. Bradley earlier this month, resulting in his exile to free agency. I expect an EEOC complaint filed soon. I can't argue with taking a stab on Lind, who's high on potential if low on production, but Chris Duncan? C'mon, nepotism belongs in St. Louis, not in Grace's company. (El Angelo)

Hell, I need somebody--anybody--who I can play at 1B. Duncan is a platoon guy, but in a league with daily moves, that's OK. As long as I'm conscientious about benching him against lefties I'll be OK. Otherwise I'm going to have to play VMart out of position, which would defeat about 90% of the point of drating him as high as I did.

I'd be remiss if I didn't drop in one more kvetch about Pat Gillick's decision to crush the fantasy life out of Brett Myers. I hereby nominate Gillick as a potential contestant for that new
Jeff Foxworthy game show, which I believe is called
"Are You Smarter Than A Cheese Grater?" (hint: "no") (Teddy)

Evil Empire

Signed Shawn Marcum, SP, Toronto; Waived Chad Gaudin, SP, Oakland [4/15]

Re-inked Gaudin; Signed David DeJesus, OF, Kanas City and Geoff Jenkins, OF, Milwaukee; Released Marcus, Jason Varitek, C, Boston and Kenny Rogers, SP, Detroit [4/18]

Signed Derrick Turnbow, RP, Milwaukee [4/18]

Ignoring the silliness with Gaudin & Marcus, we have a Detroit & Boston player here swapped out for a Royal and a Brewer. Does Will hate watching good teams play? (El Angelo)

Any time you can cut a 75 year old battery, you go ahead and do it. Much as I love The Captain, he is what biomechanical analysts refer to as "cooked." Toronto starters have the misfortune of playing in the same division as the Yankees, the Red Sox, and a Devil Rays team that looks like it's going to score a bunch of runs this year. That makes it tough to be an effective fantasy pitcher, and definitely means you want to avoid the 4/5 guys from the Blue Jay rotation and the fringier of their relievers. So discretion was definitely the better part of valor on the Shawn Marcum pickup. (Teddy)

Hand Banana

Signed Jason Frasor, RP, Toronto; Released Todd Wayne Coffey, RP, Cincinnati [4/15]

Released Lyle Overbite, 1B, Toronto [4/15]

The Masturbating Mirandas were quickest on the trigger finger when news came out that Blowjob Ryan is out for an indefinite period of time and wisely picked up his successor. While it's obviously not a bad move, in that saves are something this team needs, call me skeptical that Frasor's going to hold on this job for very long, simply because he's not all that good. The loss of Todd effin' Coffey isn't enough to make you lose sleep, but this probably isn't the panacea for this squad's relief woes, especially with Wagner now going to a chief contender for the throne. (El Angelo)

I like the Jason Frasor move more than Ang does, mainly because I think Ryan might be screwed. He has a high-effort delivery, and I think that now that things have started to go wrong for him physically, there's a good chance that they'll keep going wrong. For all that I've said about the difficulty level of Toronto's division, they're going to win their share of games, and somebosy is going to get thos saves. It sure beats the hell out of Senor Banana's past dalliances with every setup man on the Reds roster. (Teddy)

It's Enrico Palazzo

Signed Rich Aurilia, Util, San Fran [4/15]

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the Everyday version of Guillermo Mota! (El Angelo)

It is nothing short of a testament to the human spirit that Rich Aurilia is still a big-league player despite the fact that every one of his non-autonomic bodily functions expired in 2003. Slow clap for Rich, everybody. (Teddy)

Le Dupont Torkies

  • Signed Josh Hamilton, OF, Cincy; Released Chad Billingsley, SP, Los Angeles [4/13]
  • Released Pat Neshek, RP, Minnesota [4/14]

  • Released Shane Victorino, OF, Philadelphia [4/15]

The Defending Champs are getting healthy in a hurry, which means out with the crap and in with the real talent. Chad Billingsley & Joe Neshek aren't bad ideas for a team that's buliding for next year or banking on Joe Nathan's arm shrivelling into nothingness, but these guys have bigger fish to fry, and there's no point in keeping them around when you have better Win Now pitchers on your staff. And I like the Hamilton/Victorino swap--Victorino is probably more likely to be a steady producer for you, but Hamilton's an infinitely better flyer on upside, and if he crashes, these guys have enough other offense to make the loss palatable. I would say it has the added benefit of keeping you from watching the hideous Philly bullpen, but that's not the case for these guys. Is Charlie Manuel gonna last the month at the rate this is going? I think the Philllies have left 140 men on base so far this year. (el Angelo)

You can tell that the Torkies are getting serious when they start cutting Phillies. Though, given how the Phillies have been playing so far, this might just be a Philly exile's equivalent of throwing a virtual battery at Shane Victorino's head. If things don't turn around soon, the Phillies are going to have to hold nightly re-enactments of Michael Irvin's neck-breaking to get people to come to the park. (Teddy)

Lefty's Revenge

  • Activated Troy Tulowitzki, SS, Colorado; Released Chad Tracy, 3B, Arizona [4/14]

  • Re-signed Tracy [4/18]

Separation anxiety is so cute, especially when it comes to middling corner men. (El Angelo)

I'm a little suprised Tracy made it through waivers; just goes to show how deep 3B is in the majors right now. (Teddy)


  • Signed Cla Meredith, RP, San Diego and Wilfredo Ledezma, RP, Detroit; Released Kerry Wood, SP, Chicago (NL) [4/15]
  • Signed Ramon Ortiz, SP, Minnesota; Released Jason Jennings, SP, Houston [4/19]

Here's a case where the cuts work, as Jennings is about as poor as everyone thought when he was traded to Houston, while Kerry Wood may want to consider going back to school, since the baseball thang ain't working out. But the pickups are decidedly subpar as far as I'm concerned; Meredith is roughly 4th in importance in the bullpen, and Ledezma is about on the same level in Detroit. Ramon Ortiz? Isn't he a HACKING MASS all-star? Unimpressed. Maybe it's just an indication that there are NO good pitchers still out there. (El Angelo)

I feel like there have been more injuries than usual through this point in the season, so that with the 3 DL slots in use, teams have extra guys under their control. That is making the waiver wire/FA pool just terrible. Ergo, Ramon Ortiz. Klah Meredith was almost permanently broken by the Red Sox, but has turned into a great real-life RP. Of course, he's third on the depth chart for saves in San Diego, which makes his fantasy value about the same as, I dunno, Brett Myers'. Sigh (Teddy)

Nigerian Gentlemen

Signed Kazuo Matsui, 2B, Colorado and Micah Owings, SP, Arizona; Released Humberto Sanchez, SP, Columbus Clippers and Oliver Perez, SP, New York (NL) [4/16]

In an odd swap of New York failures, Jake rightly cut Oliver! after he walked about 47 guys to give the Phillies their only road win of the year. That can't be deemed a bad move, but replacing him with Kaz Matsui is a strange brew indeed. I realize full well that 2B is a weak position this year, but I have to think that even taking a graybeard like Marco Scutaro is a better idea. Hell, offer me a middling pick and I'll give you Marcus Giles. He, unlike Kaz, won't embarass you in public. (El Angelo)

I think my esteemed co-author might be letting his Met prejudices show a bit--Kaz has played pretty well since arriving in Colorado, and he has that park working overtime in his favor. He's certainly a better choice than Scooter, though I have to tip my cap to Scooter for spoiling The Fruitbat's only save chance to date this year. (Teddy)

President Skroob

Signed Matt Belisle, SP, Cincy and Randy Wolf, SP, Los Angeles;

Released Carl The Truth Pavano, SP, New York (AL) and Joe Crede, 3B, Chicago (AL) [4/16]
Traded Billy Wagner, RP, New York (NL) to The Sex Cannons for Adam Wainwright, SP/RP, St. Louis [4/17]

Signed Erick Aybar, SS, Anaheim; Released Jason Kubel, OF, Minnesota and Carlos Quentin, OF, Arizona [4/19]

The side-problem with rebuilding is that you get too attached to guys who are in essence lottery tickets and start to look interchangeable. I could've just as easily cut Austin Kearns, Ryan Lloyd Braun or Felix Pie as Kubel & Quentin, but those were what instinct told me was the right idea. And as we know, instinct has gotten me absolutely nowhere recently. In pickup news, Aybar's a total flyer now that Kendrick's on the lam for a while, while Belisle & Wainwright are similar conversion projects into starters, and both are pitchers I'm particularly bullish on. I have no expectations for Randy Wolf outside of him smiling for the camera occasionally, but he's no worse than Pavano and could put up passable rate stats in a friendly ballpark. (El Angelo)

You do end up walking a pretty fine line, and it's tough to avoid ending up with a AAA All-Star team. That sounds like a good way to go, but the fact is that this league has been won by teams that have managed to acquire top-end talent, and there usually aren't more than 1-2 of those guys on a given year's AAA All-Star team. (Teddy)

The Sex Cannons

Signed Aaron Hill, 2B, Toronto [4/15]

Signed Melvin Mora, 3B, Baltimore; Releasead AJ Pyerzynski, Dickhead, Chicago (AL) [4/16]

Traded Adam Wainwright, SP/RP, St. Louis to President Skroob for Billy Wagner, RP, New York (NL) [4/17]

Signed Ryan Church, OF, Washington; Released Jeff Francis, SP, Colorado [4/18]

Signed Touchdown Tim Wakefield, SP, Boston; Released Slick Willy Taveras, OF, Colorado [4/19]
We end with by far the most interesting and relevant set of transactions this week, and it's something that isn't poor by any means. I like the Billy Wagner pickup for these guys, as it instantly adds 30 saves at the cost of a pitcher who may help them this year, but whose loss isn't going to keep them from contention. In fact, you could argue that Tim Wakefield is just as good as Wainwright for this season, and the title is really there for the taking this year for the Grossmans. I kinda like dumping Taveras for Church, though I have to think it's more in the margins that this will have an impact; i.e., if Ryan Church is your saving grace, then you have other problems. The real issue with Church is that despite the Nationals being historically awful, Manny Acta may not use him properly or sufficiently, which just defies reasoning. You also can't argue with cutting A.J. Pyerrosenpenis, as he's such an insufferable bastard that your fantasy team can't help but be infected by his malaise, though at least he brings blondes in tow. On the whole, another good week for the Commish's boys. (El Angelo)

From the looks of it, AJP is working that blonde in the same Chicago bar where: (1) a pretty girl started chatting with Angelo and me when we drove town through a few years ago; (2) I managed to baffle the shit out of said girl by asking her for recommendations for fun things to do in Chicago (seriously--it was likeI'd asked a mailbox to explain string theory); and (3) said girl then began talking to a bunch of drunk Japanese businessmen instead. My point being let's not give AJ too much credit for corraling that blonde, as there's a 94% chance she's there trying to find a source of free drinks. (Teddy)


Lefty's Revenge said...

I think you may have missed the point of *ik*'s picking up Lca Meredith. He should have enough closers to win/compete for #1 in saves, but he's at 4.84/1.59. While there aren't too many starters who will help this problem available on waivers, there are middle relievers/setups, and Acl was among the best in a deep bullpen in a brutal pitcher's park. It's a useful move, especially for a hitter-laden team.


El Angelo said...

My current take on that photo is now that she's actually the bartender, and AJ Pierrosenrosen is ordering a Cosmo.