Monday, October 29, 2007

That Word...I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means

Colorado Rockies owner Charlie Monfort has already demonstrated an inclination towards reality-avoidance, as epitomized by his claim that "Christians, and what they've endured, are some of the strongest people in baseball." Because, you know, Christian ballplayers endure a lot as famous, wealthy members of the dominant religion in America.

However, Charlie has outdone himself with this pronouncement in the wake of Colorado's sack-drowning at the hands of the Red Sox in this year's Series:

"These guys did amazing things," Monfort said. "I think this team is a better team than Boston. It would have been nice to have another two, three, four days. We'll wake up tomorrow and go, 'There's no baseball game to go to,' but what a deal they did. It's an amazing thing they accomplished just to get here."

That statement is, if you think about it, fairly genius. Follow the chain: Christians are strong and awesome; the Rockies are Christian; therefore the Rockies must be strong and awesome. External data proving or disproving the chain is unnecessary (and possibly immoral).

That is a pretty damn good way of preempting questions about the WS loss: "Charlie, can you explain why your team was swept?" "They weren't swept. In Heaven, that is. Down here, results were more equivocal."

So here's to you, Mr. Monfort. Would that we all could selectively deny reality like you. The world would be a much more interesting place.


Sandy said...

Eh, glad they're gone already. Boring-ass world series, and had they had the remotest chance in hell of winning, I would have truly been dreading all the "Thank you jeebus for this vik-tree". Cause if there is a god, he's of course wasting time making sure you win a BASEBALL game, numbnuts.

robustyoungsoul said...

I'm disappointed Manny didn't come out wearing a crown of thorns during the victory celebrations.

Teddy said...

I think the absence of thorn-crowns is for the best--Manny would have stuck the thing in his back pocket for safekeeping, which would have led to one of history's least-comfortable dogpile injuries.

El Angelo said...

Not if you're Mike Lowell; 50/50 chance it would miss.