Tuesday, December 11, 2007

If You'd Like To Know Why We Don't Write More About Football . . .

The Jets head to Foxborough this weekend to endure what most people assume will be an epic face-sitting at the hands of the Patriots. (For the record, I have this down as a closer game than that, with a final score in the 23-14 range.) Regardless, the tension of waiting between the hammer and the anvil appears to have gotten to the good folks over at The Gang Green, one of the most prominent Jets fan message boards.

If you have an hour or so on your hands and are interested in a full-spectrum tour of the depths of the human spirit, we strongly encourage you to read this thread previewing the upcoming game. For those looking for the lazy-man's lobster version of the same, allow us to present our top 3 choices for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Batshittedness:

3. "KurtTheJetsFan" contributes this burst of holiday spirit:

I would rather Tom Brady get injured than us win the game.

There..I said it.
It's Official: The Patriots have ruined the NFL
That post is even better if you imagine that "KurtTheJetsFan" is Kurt Warner. We suppose it's unlikely, but we can dream.

2. "allan1" pines for the days when the NFL was about the love:

The Patriots are due for some serious bad karmic juju, we have to be the team to deliver it. And I mean seriously bad, like hopefully brady gets both legs broke and belichicken suffers a stroke or something.

it started with us and it has to end with us...and it has to end sometime. This version of the Patriots is nothing more than a bunch of mercenaries [emphasis added]
Yes, it's a shame that more of the Pats' players didn't come up through their farm system. We've no doubt that former Toledo MudJet Chad Pennington will stick around as a backup once his contract expires in order to repay the goodwill he's received from Jets fans through the years.

And our clear winner comes from . . .

1. "ollie" in response to a post from a Pats fan [ed. note--edited in an attempt to avoid offense and filters; original NSFW]:

You better pray there's not such thing a karma, f-----t.

Any other fan of another team would have been embarrassed by what your team was CAUGHT doing after specifically being warned by the league not to do it.
But not you Massc--ts. You're too stupid for humility, which is really why you're the joke of the nation.
Ollie, we think we speak for all of us out here in the land of objectively shared reality when we say that you desperately need a hobby. Maybe start with some needlepoint, work your way up to macrame? Scrapbooking can be quite relaxing--you could start with your mentions in the police log of your local paper!

That really troubling last post aside, we're sure you could find similarly asinine posts on a Pats' website. We're not sure what it is about football that makes rational discussion nearly impossible, but other than the guys from Football Outsiders, it's pretty bleak out there.

So try to play nice this weekend, OK, boys and girls? Try to keep in mind that the very large men you are rooting for or against do not care about you at all. They are happy to make some money off of your combined presence, but their interest in you as an individual human being falls in a range from "Zero" to "What's her cup size?" Act accordingly.


El Angelo said...

Let's bear in mind what team's fan base we're dealing with here. 5000 Jet fans still show up at Shea Stadium for home games.

Anonymous said...

What excellent question