But once the draft started, first by a conference call sponsored by a former Cabinet member and then by about 9000 emails, all sorts of fun ensued. Turning on the Wayback Machine, we briefly note 10 of the highlights.
1. Six middle infielders went in the first three rounds, and all were disasters: two broke (Jose Reyes, Rafael Furcal), and four imploded (Jimmy Rollins, Kelly Johnson, Rickie Weeks, JJ Hardy). Shockingly, every team that used a top-36 pick on a middle infielder finished out of the money.
2. Teddy's comment here about first round picks Carl Crawford (and Shane Victorino): "they both suck." Crawford went on to carry Corey (who Teddy predicted to finish in last) to the runner-up slot.
3. Tucker, the defending champion, absolutely whiffing on his first two picks with geriatrics David Ortiz and Vlad Guerrero. This was somewhat offset by absolutely nailing his next three picks (Carlos Pena, Ryan Zimmerman, Matt Garza).
4. Our beloved commissioner methodically compiling 4 second round picks...and then using them all on starting pitchers. Worse, one of them was Justin Duchsherer, who appears to have moved in with Dr. James Andrews.
5. About an hour and a half into the draft, despite it being the fourth round and having no alcohol in his system, our beloved commissioner takes his sixth pitcher in the draft (versus zero hitters) by yelling "I'll take Jason Motte!" Everyone erupts into loud noises; 1/3 pissed that Andy took him first, 1/3 laughing at the inanity of the pick, and 1/3 wondering who the fuck was Jason Motte. Answer: someone not any good.
6. To finish up razzing our commissioner, his first hitter was taken in the 8th round...Penn alum, Mark DeRosa. Who he waived 5 weeks later.
7. This email sequence from the top of the 6th round between Angelo and Will:
Angelo: Kevin Slowey.By August, Kevin Slowey's arm was in 3 pieces, while Carpenter was well on his way to a top-3 Cy Young finish.
Will: Damn you Grasso! Chris Carpenter.
8. The final draft choice of the eventual second-place finisher? "Pass ( Seriously)"
9. Opening Day starters of note: Alfonso Soriano (.303 OBP), Mike Aviles (21 OPS+), Edwin Encarnacion (85 GP), Alex Gordon (49 GP).
10. The last pick of the draft? Mark Buerhle, who only went on to throw a perfect game.
So stay tuned for Saturday's action, where we're guaranteed to make a mockery of our alleged baseball wisdom, once again.