Transactions Analysis: The Mic Drop

Yes lads it's time.  After 18 years, 50,000 transactions, and 400 Ryan Cum Dempster jokes, the Young Boys' Wankdorf league has called it quits.  Which means there's only one last bit of housekeeping - a final TA!

At the risk of being sappy, Teddy and I started writing these on a whim in the 3rd season in the league's "recent messages" column, and at some point, one of us had the hair-brained idea to start a "site" with the columns, rather than using the message board.  We've since then populated this site with horse racing previews, World Cup analysis, and dissertations on the Heisman Trophy, but to us, this site has first and foremost been a repository for the TAs.  So let's give it the proper send off.  (El Angelo)

Some historical context might prove useful. The first real TA published on the blog--which, as Ang notes, happened something like 3-4 years into the TA era--contained the following entry:

Nigerian Gentlemen

Signed: Oliver Pérez (NYM - SP), Kenny Lofton (Tex - OF), Moisés Alou (NYM - OF), Jim Edmonds (StL - OF), Jon Lester (Bos - SP), Aubrey Huff (Bal - 3B,OF)

Waived:  Lester, Joel Piñeiro (Bos - SP,RP)

Hmm. So the Sese Sekos added (at least temporarily) two good, if flawed, young arms, presumably in an attempt to compete down the road. They then turned around and added FOUR past-their-prime outfielders, in what looks like a win-now strategy. Obviously, it's a touch early to completely abandon this season (unless you're Angelo, in which case you're already preparing your draft list for 2009), but the mixed signals are odd. (Teddy)

Well, they waived Cancer Boy Lester, so there's really just adding one arm, and that's the volatile Oliver! Perez. I've seen dumber ideas. Like....signing 3 guys who are well fit for a HACKING MASS squad and Jim Edmonds' corpse. Vomit. (Angelo)

...

All of the following is true: Moises Alou is now the general manager of the Dominican Winter League. Aubrey Huff is getting in Twitter fights with Seth McClung. Kenny Lofton is the CEO of Filmpool, Inc., which just produced an MMA movie starring the guy from Starship Troopers. Jim Edmonds has appeared on the Real Housewives of Orange County. None of Twitter, Filmpool Inc, or the Real Housewives existed when the original post was made.

So, yeah. We're talking a borderline actual geologic era here. (Teddy)

#20.  Val (1 season, 0 wins, 0 cashes, 1 DAFL)

Val's only season got off to a rip-roaring start when his first two draft picks were Nomar Garciaparra and Bret Boone, hot off the latter's Brady Anderson 1991 impersonation.  Can't fathom why Val lost.  (El Angelo)

The Nomar pick was understandable because Val's father's name is Onitnelav (he's Moldovan). (Teddy)

#18T. Vihal (1 season, 0 wins, 0 cashes, 0 DAFL)
#18T. Other Scot (ibid)

I remember absolutely nothing about either of these guys other than that they participated remotely in the first draft at Andy's apartment, and I was dealing with them online.  I think they were Elders' friends?  Either way, they were so unmemorable they go below our other one-and-done owner. (El Angelo)

I want to tread lightly here because we're old enough that one or both of these guys could plausibly be dead by now. Thoughts and prayers(?). (Teddy)

#17.  Bartolacci (1 season, 0 wins, 0 cashes, 0 DAFL)

Two words for everyone who was in the league the first year: Shane Reynolds. (El Angelo)

Dave's team ultimately met the same fate as his Twitter account: abandoned for a decade and then hacked by the Russians. (Teddy)

#16.  M*ke (2 seasons, 0 wins, 0 cashes, 0 DAFL, 1 Quit)

The guy who refused to give his team an actual name, and quit because we twice vetoed a trade where he dealt away all of his good players for - and this is serious - an injured Francisco Liriano, an uninjured Armando Benitez, Freddie Sanchez, JD Drew, and something called Gary Glover.  I remember exchanging about 400 emails around this trade brouhaha, including one where Will rejected the trade from China, and another where Sahil told someone to go get their shinebox.  (El Angelo)

My email reflects that shortly thereafter, Gary Glover was dropped for Luis Vizcaino. Then he got busted for child sexual assault. Things may have turned around, though, because his song "Rock and Roll Part 2" is featured in the new Joker movie.

#15.  Sahil (18 seasons, 0 wins, 0 cashes, 4 DAFL)

There is something truly glorious about Ironhead's 18-year run of futility, to the point where we're ranking him below people who were in the league for less than a full presidential administration.  I'll give the man this: he had the best team names, and I appreciated his desire to stick with the ee cummings typeface convention.  My personal favorites were "i am esix snead" and "bonderman's grundle," though I have no idea what generated the latter name.  (El Angelo)

A commonly voiced criticism of statistical analysis holds that numbers can be used to prove almost anything. There is merit to that criticism. For example, coming into this year Sahil's average place of finish over his time in the league was 8.9. That statistic implies that in last year's 8-team league, Sahil should have finished 0.9 places behind the last-place finisher. This, of course, did not happen. He instead finished 8th and last, thereby slightly *improving* his historical average place of finish to 8.8.

"bonderman's grundle" slaps, though. (Teddy)

#T13.  Matty (3 seasons, 0 wins, 0 cashes, 0 DAFL)
#T13.  Ben (3 seasons, 0 wins, 0 cashes, 0 DAFL)

Matt was an initial owner who bowed out after 3 years (and also my fairly useless brother).  Ben came into about a decade after it started, and also only lasted 3 years.  Both guys were of relatively good cheer, always willing to talk trade, and spectacular at busting Andy's balls.  The last skill is not one to under-appreciate, as we learned with, oh I don't know who...let's just call him, *ike.   (El Angelo)

This one caused some controversy in the GRBG's headquarters (currently located beneath the steam table at the Gowanus Whole Foods), as I vociferously argued that Ben's Mose Schrute beard should put him over the top. (Teddy)

#12.  Darrin (4 seasons solo, 0 wins, 0 cashes, 0 DAFL)

I can't remember if Darrin was in from Year 1 or Year 2, but he also was always willing to talk trade and drink beer.  He's more memorable for bringing in a co-owner who, unlike many of the other names on this list, actually knew what he was doing, and made the league tough for stiffs like me.  Solid on his own; tough when he was a co-owner.  (El Angelo)

The increasing competency of the league over time remains a vexation. Get dumber, people. (Teddy)

#11.  Jon (17 seasons, 0 wins, 1 cash, 2 DAFL)

In three separate years, Jon and I executed draft-day trades where I traded down and still got the player I wanted plus something extra.  Mind you, in none of those years did either of us finish in the money.  I think Jon's best season was about a decade ago when he won the Deathship league.  (El Angelo)

I'll always remember Jon for trading me Troy Tulowitski eleven days prior to Tulo's first major knee injury. I still have a printed-out copy of the espnzone.lycos.com story announcing the injury on the floor of my bird's cage. The bird died in 2012, so I doubt it minds. (Teddy)

#10.  Corey (14 seasons, 0 wins, 1 cash, 2 DAFL)

Pips Jon because he finished in 2nd once, while Jon never topped 3rd.  Really, the best part about this league calling it quits was getting rid of any emails with wormcheesemousebird.  (El Angelo)

You know, we're almost done with this finale post and we haven't really done anything yet to pass along our accumulated wisdom to the next generation of people who will undoubtedly use the Blogger platform to chronicle their fantasy teams. Let's correct that by dropping three nuggets of wisdom:

1. The word "Neshek" is funny; use it relentlessly.
2. Never get aboard an aircraft piloted by a New York Yankee
3. Once your league owners start having kids, MAINTAIN AN UP-TO-DATE SPREADSHEET OF THOSE KIDS' NAMES. I cannot emphasize this last point too strongly. (Teddy)

#9.  Andy (18 seasons, 0 wins 2 cashes, 2 DAFL)

As an initial point, I want to say that Andy was a superb commish for nearly two decades.  This wasn't the most contentious league, but several of us, myself included, are pains in the ass, and Sahil is Sahil.  I mean, this league was started by a bunch of law school students, and then voluntarily added multiple Duke alums and a guy working for George W. Bush.  Prickishness was a given.  But Andy's patience and fairness were a testament to his character.

In terms of being an owner...well, Andy's most consequential move was dealing a prospect named Mike Trout and a future first rounder to Scot in July 2011 as part of an ill-fated pennant drive.  Andy finished in 8th - and by points, closer to last than 5th - and Scot used Trout plus the pick (which became Zack Greinke) to win 4 of the next 5 titles.  Woof.  (El Angelo)

Seconded. This was a hell of a lot of effort for no reward other than dealing with a rotating cast of snarkmonsters. I've been meaning to tell Andy that for a long time, but I'm still waiting for him to sober up from that poker game in 2002 where he locked himself in the bathroom. (Teddy)

#8.  Angelo (17 seasons, 0.5 wins, 4.5 cashes, 4 DAFL)

With the passage of time, I completely forgot about my mid-late 2000s version of The Process, where I basically sat out two years with the idea of accumulating draft picks, only to blow them on baseball's versions of Jahlil Okafor.  My results in this league were essentially a sine curve: in the money the first two years, jack shit after the benefits of a good initial draft wore off, a little bump of success about 8 years in, followed by more jack shit, then an out-of-nowhere win with co-owner Wilfredo.  Viva Stable Geniuses!  (El Angelo)

The relentless avoidance of mediocricy was impressive. Although, in retrospect, it's fair to question the wisdom of tanking for draft picks in a league in which the 144 top players may not reach the draft. Thanks also for blowing what I know to be multiple days of your one and only life on this extremely odd thing we created. (Teddy)  

#7.  Will (17 seasons, 0.5 wins, 3.5 cashes, 2 DAFL)

My partner goes above me because (a) he rode the hell out of our team in September last year to get us the W, and (b) he sucked less frequently than me.  The genesis of our 2018 team was forged at Tucker's wedding, when Will and I - for reasons unclear - described the TA column to a dozen extremely confused, drunk, and sunburned WASPs.  My other favorite contribution Will made to the league was repeatedly making trade demands and threatening to put you on the No Fly List if you didn't accept.  I like to think that Sahil still gets a full cavity search every time he's at BWI.  (El Angelo)

Will's other claim to fame was proving completely impervious to predictions made in the column. This included predictions by Ang and I, as well as polls of the league as a whole. Although it makes sense that our own deplorable would prove unmeasurable by polls. (Teddy)  

#6.  Jake (12 seasons, 1 win, 5 cashes, 0 DAFL)

Never forget: in the league's first year, 9 owners finished behind 2 guys who spent 5 weeks on the road with no internet access, and another guy with a debilitating medical issue.  Man, we really should have convinced Val to stay in the league.  (El Angelo)

I learned I had climbed from 8th to 3d over those five weeks by using a public internet kiosk in the food court of the Stardust. Almost none of those nouns still exist. (Teddy)

#5.  Teddy (18 seasons, 1 win, 6 cashes, 0 DAFL)

I actually thought my co-author had more cashes than this - he never really punted in a given year, and usually drafted well in the middle rounds.  A review of the old standings revealed that he had four seasons where he accumulated 91 - 96.5 points, and won in none of those years.  It wasn't until I took a year off that the competition lightened enough for him to be able to hoist the trophy.  (El Angelo)

My strength was making getting the best out of the roster I drafted--in other words, as a fantasy coach. But like so many other coaches who also aspire to GM, I leave a legacy as a genuinely questionable drafter. I should have just thrown on autodraft every year and then figured out my platoons from there. (Teddy)


#4.  Andrew/Darrindrew (14 seasons, 2 wins, 7 cashes, 0 DAFL)

The top 4 owners were truly in an echelon above the rest - after the inaugural season, there wasn't a year where at least one of them didn't finish in the money, they took two of the three money slots in 12 of those 17 years, and swept the money 4 times.  Andrew was one of our steadiest owners - he won in what I think was his first year playing in 2007 (with Darrin back then), and was constantly in the money or a threat to cash.  On a personal level, I sadly have never met Andrew, and I think his connection to the league was Darrin, who came in through Jake.  If you're ever in New York, Mr. Cain, beers on me.  (El Angelo)

Agreed; all I have to add is that the data really broke down in some earlier years, so we don't really have know for sure where Darrin ended and Andrew began. Fourteen years earns magnanimity. (Teddy) 

#3.  Alex (17 seasons, 4 wins, 8 cashes, 0 DAFL)

A win for each time he drafted Huston Street too early.  (El Angelo)

Either his Simpsons icon hasn't been updated for a while or it is pulling some kind of reverse Portrait of Dorian Grey on him. (Teddy)

#2.  Tucker (18 seasons, 4 wins, 8 cashes, 0 DAFL)

Not only was he perpetually in contention, Tucker yearly had the most predictable yet unique roster construction of anyone in the league: top-notch hitters, a 1-2 man bench, and cycle through a zillion pitchers while riding hot hands.  I didn't do the math, but I would bet that Tucker cut over 600 relief pitchers over the his stewardship.  And it largely worked!  It's almost like he was a precursor to modern baseball pitching usage.  (El Angelo)

Yeah, he's the one who turned the Astros on to spin rate. But I'll remember him best as the runaway winner of the "Loudest Audible Scoffs Over a Draft Conference Call" awards from 2008-2015. Those were first-ballot performances. (Teddy) 

#1.  Scot (14 seasons, 5 wins, 10 cashes, 1 DAFL)

In the money 71% of the time, the most wins, and a last place finish tossed in just to throw us off the scent.  (He promptly wasted the first pick on Hanley Ramirez!)  There's really no debate who was the dominant owner in the league; it's almost enough to let us ignore the fact he's a Texas Rangers fan.  My compliments to the ultimate champ.  (El Angelo)

He came across so reasonably over email, too. Even so, I like to assume that he spent all our money on needle drugs and puppy catapults. Makes it easier, somehow. (Teddy)

*  *  *

Finally, for posterity, here are the final statistical standings. Te Occidere Possunt Sed Te Edere Non Possunt Nefas Es.

	AVG FINISH	Cashes	Cash %	Wins	Win %
Scot	4	9	0.64	5	0.36
Alex	4.1	9	0.53	4	0.24
Tucker	4.2	9	0.5	4	0.22
Jake	5.3	5	0.42	1	0.08
Chad	5.5	6	0.33	1	0.06
Darrandrew***	5.7	6	0.35	2	0.12
Angelo	6.7	4.5	0.26	0.5**	0.03
Will	7.2	2.5	0.18	0.5**	0.03
Matty G.	7.2	0	-	0	-
Corey*	7.3	1	0.07	0	-
Andy	7.4	2	0.11	0	-
Ben	7.6	0	-	0	-
Jon	8.3	1	0.06	0	-
Sahil	8.8	0	-	0	-
Barto	9	0	-	0	-
Vihal	9	0	-	0	-
Other Scot	9	0	-	0	-
Mike*	9	0	-	0	-
Val	12	0	-	0	-
	* Corey split '07 with Mike; finish assigned to Mike
** Co-owners in year of victory
	† ***Coupled as an entry because of past joint ownership

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2015 Worst Keeper Award

The keeper lists are in, so it's time for our annual vote and award for Worst Keeper of 2015.  Shockingly, last year's winner Jonathan Villar, was not kept by Corey.  But can Corey win the award two years in a row?  Here are the candidates, in alphabetical order:

Henderson Alvarez (flying malaysians).  The epitome of meh.  Actually, that would be a much better team name for this entire team.

Jenrry Meija (Torn Ligaments).  He's probably the 3rd best Mets reliever, which is bad enough.  This guy's on the list more because he's guaranteed to give his owner heartburn on a weekly basis.  Aren't you supposed to enjoy baseball?

Michael Pineda (Wu Tang Financial).  Our 2012 winner returns!  He's made 13 starts in the last 36 months, so sure, let's use a keeper spot on him.

Jorge Soler (The Spam Avengers).  Soler Flare is probably going to be the best player on this list long-term, but he has 95 career PAs, 30% of which ended in strikeouts.  This seems a little ambitious.

Yordano Ventura (Charming Sociopaths).  As a Mets fan, I see no reason to think that Ventura's violent, hard throwing action will make it hard for his arm to stay intact.

Polls are open!

Worst Keeper of 2014

It's time for the annual vote and rite of passage: who was the worst keeper of the 2014 season.  Let's jump right to the candidates.

• Jonathan Villar.  Who the fuck is this guy?

• Jonathan Villar.   Okay, so I looked him up.  Villar is apparently the major haul that Houston received from the Roy Oswalt deal 3 1/2 years ago, and is a shortstop for the Astros.  Which means Corey kept an Astro.  This is historic because the last Astro kept in this league was Hunter Pence in 2011.

• Jake Peavy.  I didn't realize we were playing Whatifsports.  The last time this guy was any good, Giancarlo Stanton was still called M*ke and getting ready for the junior prom.  But hey, it's always nice to have a team's 5th starter be your 4th starter.

• Jonathan Villar.  So how good was this guy last year?  Well, in 241 plate appearances, he managed a .243/.321/.319 slash line, good for a cool 79 OPS+.  He did finish in the top 10 of two categories last year: caught stealing and sacrifice hits.  Then again, he is on the Astros, so it's not like he had a lot of teammates helping him out.  Thankfully that should improve in 2018.

• Kenley Casey Jansen.  Like you can tell them apart.

• Jonathan Villar.  Okay, well at least he's highly rated, right?  He's...hmm, 16th on Yahoo's rankings for shortstops.  Okay, then he's a highly regarded prospect that makes him a good gambit for 2015 since Corey is not a favorite this year.  So....hmm.  He last made BA's top 100 in 2010, when he was the 94th best prospect in baseball.  He was the Astros' #3 prospect in 2010, slipping to #4 in 2011, #12 in 2012, and completely off the list in 2013.  Part of the reason for that appears to be that in July 2012 he pulled a Jason Isringhausen and broke his hand punching a wall, costing himself half a season.  So he's a temperamental asshole as well.  Good to know.

• Zack Wheeler.  This isn't really about Zach Wheeler, but about this year's collective decision by the league to keep every young and interesting pitcher, even if they've proven nothing.  Off the board before draft day are Wheeler, Sonny Gray, Danny Salazar, Tony Cingrani and Gerrit Cole, five pitchesr who have a collective 74 starts in the league.  (I was this close to joining this group and keeping Chris Archer.) It's an interesting gambit.

• Jonathan Villar.  The final point: Corey already has Xander Boegarts, the #2 prospect in all of baseball who is getting a starting job this year, and who is a shortstop on his roster.  Boegarts made is easy for him to cut Starlin Castro loose.  Apparently he also made is easy to keep the second coming of Cristian Guzman.

• Hiroki Kuroda.  39 years old, had a bad second half last year, and induces a ton of groundballs to an infield that's populated by half-dead men and Kelly Johnson.

Polls are open now!

Worst Keeper of 2013

Once again our poll has yielded a tie, this year between putative shitty closers Jason Grilli and Grant Balfour.  Trophies shall be forthcoming to the homes of our unimpressive Italian and Aussie friends.  Congrats to their owners, now watch them have spectacular seasons.

2013 Worst Keeper Award

The keepers are out, so it's time for the quasi-annual tradition of voting on the Worst Keeper of the Year.  This is quite a title to win.  For those who have forgotten, here are the prior winners:

2007: Chris Ianetta
2008: Rickie Weeks
2009: Travis Hafner
2010: B.J. Upton
2011: Ryan Raburn and Brandon Webb
2012: Michael Pineda*

*  We meant to post the poll last year but for some reason didn't.  Last year actually didn't have any god-awful keepers, but since Pineda never made it out of spring training, we're giving him the title ex post facto.

Let's take a look at this year's sextet of nominees.

• David Freese (Spreading Santorum). A middling player at a deep position.  Unless we start counting October stats, this isn't a guy to be building around.

• Pablo Sandoval (Gowandiego Surfsters).  He actually had worse stats than Freese last year.  Are you people unaware that there are other options for the corners this year?  You are not going to have to start Pedro Alvarez, Todd Zeile or Chris Sabo if you don't keep a third baseman.

• Neil Walker (esix te'o). We can acknowledge that second base is something of a wilderness while also acknowledging that a guy with middling stats in every category and no speed isn't the most enticing of keepers, even at second base.

• Dan Uggla (Spreading Santorum). His power stats fell off a cliff last year while he continued to bat his weight.  At least he took a couple of walks to keep his OBP higher than Prince Fielder's weight.

• Grant Balfour (esix te'o). Guys who finish the year as closers on a team where they backed into the role are keepers I hate as a matter of principal.  The fact that we know this guy can't stay healthy or good for a long period of time only makes it worse.

• Jason Grilli (Wu Tang Financial).  On their podcast last year, Joe Sheehan and Rany Jazayerli spent 5 minutes discussing how flummoxed they were by Grilli's out of nowhere season and how impossible it would be to duplicate.  Let's hope he doesn't let Italy's success at the World Baseball Classic ruin his season.

The polls are open now; in the spirit of the Papal Conclave and John Fitzgerald Kennedy, please vote early and often.

Worst Keepers of 2011

We had a first this year in our annual quest to determine the Worst Keeper of 2011: a tie. Ryan Raburn and Brandon Webb both received 5 votes, meaning that we have dual winners for this year. An honorable mention goes to Jason Kubel, who gets two votes despite me telling people to not vote for him. Congrats to the winners!

The Worst Keeper of 2011

It's time for the annual poll and contest, the Worst Keeper of 2011. Who will join the ranks of Chris Ianetta, Rickie Weeks, Travis Hafner and B.J. Upton in the Hall of Ignominy?

The nominees are:

• Jason Kubel, OF, Minnesota (Jeters Never Prosper). The sponsor on his baseballreference.com page says: "Jason Kubel is my hero. Like if Nightcrawler was real and played baseball." I can't top that.
  

• Ryan Raburn, 2B, Detroit (Kicked in the Nuts). Last year sported a stat line of .340 OBP, 54 R's, 62 RBI's and 2 SB's. Second base is weak, but this weak?
  

• Aramis Ramirez, 3B, Chicago Cubs (Jeters Never Prosper). Had a .294 OBP last year, the second lowest of any keeper.
  

• Jimmy Rollins, SS, Philadelphia (The Spam Avengers). May not actually be any good any more: last year he put up a putrid stat line of a .320 OBP, 8 HR, 48 R's and 41 RBI's.
  

• Chris Sale, RP, Chicago White Sox (Le Dupont Torkies). Doesn't appear to be closing for the ChiSox, making him a young middle reliever.

• Stephen Strasburg, SP, Washington (Wu Tang Financial). Definitely out for 2011 thanks to reconstructive surgery and plays on the execrable Nationals. Obviously a fun gamble for 2012, but is this the best use of limited roster spots?
  

• Brandon Webb, SP, Texas (Wu Tang Financial). Last pitched an inning in April 2009.
  

• C.J. Wilson, SP, Texas (chad has pretty feet). Came out of nowhere to have a nice season as a starter for the Rangers last year, are we sure he's for real?
  

Vote now! Poll closes at 10:00 AM Saturday so we'll have the results pre-draft.

The Worst Keeper of 2010

Congratulations to B.J. Upton, the runaway winner of this year's Worst Keeper Award. Given Teddy's comment that he's the best actual player nominated for the award, we applaud our voters for turning back to our 2008 post which contained the following notes and guidelines:

A few qualifiers...

1. The player's keeper status counts. There's nothing wrong with keeping someone like Eric Byrnes off last year if he costs you one slot. If he costs you three slots, you're getting called out.

* * *

3. Your team's roster construction counts.

Given B.J.'s crappy 2009 and the team's choice to keep him over Jayson Werth, Joakim Soria and Anyone Else, Mr. Upton's selection makes sense. Congrats B.J., and here's to a fabulous 2010.

Worst Keeper of 2009, Redux

I awoke from my customary post-lunch nap today to find that my brand new glass house appears to have a hole in it. The Washington Natinals announced today that they have cut--not demoted, but CUT--erstwhile starting RF Elijah Dukes. Dukes might or might not have been kept last year by one of your co-authors, who might or might not have then gone on to confidently run Dukes out in his fantasy OF next to the total protonic reversal that was Alfonso Soriano. Jesus Beerbonging Christ.

So, say what you will about Travis Hafner--and Lord knows we have--but the man is at least still employed by a major league team a year after being foolishly kept. Dukes? Not so much, turns out.

Worst Keeper of 2010

It's time for the Fourth Annual Worst Keeper Award. Who will get their name inscribed below Chris Ianetta (2007), Rickie Weeks (2008) and Travis Hafner (2009)? Below are the nominees and their cases:

• David Ortiz, DH, Boston (The Little Green One). Off steroids, fat, old, and slow.
  

• Johnny Damon, OF, Detroit (Enrico Palazzo). Had a pretty good fantasy season last year (104 R, 24 HRs), but moves from a great lineup to a middling one and from a bandbox to spacious Comerica Park.
  

• Mike Napoli, C, Anaheim (Gowanus Superfunders). How can you hit 20 home runs on a first place team and knock in fewer than 60 runs?
  

• Carlos Gonzalez, OF, Colorado (Gowanus Superfunders). Didn't appear to take advantage of the Coors Field factor.
  

• Howie Kendrick, 2B, Anaheim (Wu Tang Financial). Has no power, can't steal bases, can't stay healthy, and doesn't know how to take a walk. Outside of that, he's probably a nice guy.
  

• Ryan Cum Dempster, RP, Chicago (Jeters Never Prosper). Here on general principle.

• B.J. Upton, OF, Tampa Bay (Wu Tang Financial). Upton is probably the best player on this list. But by keeping a +2 guy, this squad cut former first round pick Josh Beckett, super closer Joakim Soria, and young stud Jayson Werth. Was it worth it?
  

The polls....are now open.

The Worst Keeper of 2009

This year's award for the Worst Keeper of the Wankdorf League goes to none other than Travis Hafner, the (maybe) starting DH for AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS. Travis beat out Max Scherzer and a handful of other write-in votes I received by email. Congrats to Travis! Let's remember that the squad with last year's winner finished in 5th place and focus on the positives.

Worst Keeper of 2009

It's time again for the annual award of Worst Keeper of the Year in the Wankdorf league. Previous honorees have included Chris Ianetta (2007) and Rickie Weeks (2008). This year, we have half a dozen nominees, and let's put 'em up for a vote.

• Max Scherzer, RP, Arizona (Mission Accomplished). A talented young pitcher with arm trouble and no defined role in the Arizona bullpen. Heck, he's not even next on the list of potential closers, as the stout Jon Rauch is ahead of him.

• Travis Hafner, DH, Cleveland (AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS). Here's his stat line from last year: .197/.305/.323, 5 HR, 24 RBI, 21 Runs. And he doesn't have a position besides DH.
  

• Jair Jurrjens, SP, Atlanta (AIDS squared squared). A fine young pitching prospect, but he's probably the worst starter kept.

• Scott Baker, SP, Minnesota (Le Dupont Torkies). He's not far behind Jurrjens, if at all.

• Chipper Jones, Dickwad, Atlanta (The Loose Bowels). Has to be on this list out of general principle.

• Chris Davis, 1B, Texas (Evil League of Evil). Taking his 170 ABs at face value may be a bit of a stretch.

The polls are open!

Worst Keeper of 2008

Our congratulations goes out to Rickie Weeks, who has won the first GRBG trophy this year: the Worst Keeper Award. Teddy will have a transcript of his interview with Mr. Weeks up for all to view after the season has begun. Congrats Rickie. It's a helluva achievement.

Poll & Contest: The Worst Keeper of 2008

We at the Gazette are nothing if not thorough in our dissection of minutia and insignificant details. So while we laud good moves when we see them, it's time to call someone out for a new award: the Worst Keeper of the Year. We're going to retroactively give the 2007 version of this award to Chris Ianetta, who was last seen washing cars in Fort Collins, Colorado.

A few qualifiers before we delve into the nominees:

1. The player's keeper status counts. There's nothing wrong with keeping someone like Eric Byrnes off last year if he costs you one slot. If he costs you three slots, you're getting called out.

2. Whether or not someone got kept does not have to be indicative of their expected performance in the upcoming season. For this reason, guys like Clay Buchholz, Philip Hughes and Joba Chamberlain are exempt, because they'd obviously be very high picks for this season, even if their performance may suck in '08.

3. Your team's roster construction counts. If you kept three 2B's even if they're all very good, you fucked up.

On to the nominees, in alphabetical order....

Jacoby Ellsbury, Frank the Tank

Why doesn't he get the same treatment as Hughes and Buchholz? Simple: he's starting the year in AAA and isn't on the prospect list. There's no indication if and when he'll be up and if he'll even get 400 PAs this year. Presumably he was kept as trade bait. Query who will bite.

Matt Garza, 54' 40" or Fight!

Almost indisputably the worst starting pitcher kept, he lacks the hype or upside of a Joba.

Torii Hunter, Evil Empire

A fringe outfielder on the decline takes his place in a new park, despite his speed and power being on the wane. Have to think there are two dozen OFs that will produce similar numbers this year.

Francisco Liriano, The Fighting Isaiahs

Last we saw this guy, he was grimacing in pain in August 2006 and Frank Jobe was running after him with a drawn needle. That's a tough way to use up a slot.

John Maine, grundleman's bond

Even Met fans don't get excited about him, and he's been fairly solid. He's a modern day Rick Reed, minus the picket-line crossing and hatred from Bobby Valentine. Actually scratch the last part: Bobby V hates everyone.

Jhonny Peralta, grundleman's bond

Waiver wire bait to trade bait to keeper material, off a bad season. He's an interesting bounce-back candidate. He's a hideous shortstop keeper.

Rickie Weeks, Presidential Timber

A phenom at 2B that everyone was high on last year, he spent a third of the season in the minors. For a position that's surprisingly deep if uninteresting, this may define stretch, especially as he becomes +1 expensive in 2009.

Chris Young (SP), Wu Tang Financial

We save for the last one the Princeton Pitcher, who automatically gets a thumbs down in my eye because he's a Tiger, but the real reason for his inclusion here is that he takes up two spots. He's not a bad pitcher, and he's arguably more useful than either Zambrano or Vazquez in Petco Park. But for two spots? A bit steep.


So, I encourage you to vote on the poll at the right and to comment below. Results are final on next Saturday night.