Monday, March 19, 2007

Season Preview: President Skroob

[Ed. note--rather than try to cram an entire draft summary into one post, between now and Opening Day we're going to dedicate a post to each team in the league. That should mean a decent amount of new content over the next two weeks]

Team President Skroob

"How many assholes do we have on this ship?"
.......--Dark Helmet, Spaceballs.

Posit: Rick Moranis is an underappreciated comic genius. Who else could have carried off both the role of the repressed accountant in Ghost Busters and that of the Schwartz-wielding megalomaniac in Spaceballs? That's range, people. Sure, towards the end there he cashed in on some subpar scripts--Honey, I Shrunk The Kids; Honey, I Blew Up The Kids; and Honey, I May Have Gotten Drunk And Inappropriately Touched At Least One, If Not Both, Of The Kids, leap to mind--but that shouldn't overshadow the good work that came before. After all, Caddyshack is still funny even if Chevy Chase has been stupefied on Percocet for the last 15 years.

All of which is by way of introduction to my thesis that, while this franchise has hit the board a couple of times in the past, this upcoming season looks to be Year One of the Percocet Era.
They've embraced their fate and gone with the kids, starting no position players over 30, and four that are 25 or younger. In other words:

Assholes : Spaceball One :: Unproven Rookies : Team President Skroob

A series of off-season and draft day moves left the team with no first round pick, less than the maximum amount of keepers, and Jason Kubel, meaning that the "next year" in"Wait 'til next year" has come early for this franchise. That said, there are some building blocks here.

On offense, Alex Gordon is the presumptive rookie of the year, and will get plenty of PAs in the middle of the Royals' lineup. Stealing two of the young D-backs in Conor Jackson and Carlos Quentin late in the draft was also a smart move. Still, it's hard to see how this offense is going to score with the big boys this year. They'll have to rely heavily on clubhouse leadership from veteran OF Milton Bradley to keep their spirits up. I can't see any flaws with that plan whatsoever.

Perhaps more surprisingly, this team has the best 1-7 starting pitching in the league. Chris Carpernter, Roy Oswalt, and Barry Zito give them a trio of horses up front, with youngsters like Homer Bailey and Matt Garza in wait behind. Of course, there are no relievers to speak of other than Billy Wagner, who the team is already trying to trade for a draft pick that will turn into Moises Alou next year. Still, a consistent starting staff is the hardest thing to assemble in fantasy baseball, and the Skroobs are most of the way to pulling it off. All they lack is the depth to deal with the inevitable injuries.

Prognosis: Hail Skroob. Just not this year.

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