Thursday, April 12, 2007

The GRBG Interview: Milton Bradley

Welcome to the first in an occasional series of in-depth interviews with fantasy baseball newsmakers. Our first subject is Milton Bradley, who currently plies his professional trade with the Oakland A's, and his fantasy trade with second-division club Ed Rooney's Office (which is managed by yours truly).

If you'll recall, we promised this interview back a few weeks ago. At this point we have to admit that promise came before we had really locked down this interview with Mr. Bradley's people. But, based on Mr. Bradley's famous easy rapport with the media and the GRBG's burgeoning reputation as a world center of knowledge on Torkies and thoroughbred racing, we assumed that the details would pretty much work themselves out.

Turns out, not so much.

For some reason Mr. Bradley couldn't make time for the Internet's foremost fantasy baseball, show dog, horse racing, and Robert Goulet site. Despite that setback, we here at the GRBG are determined to carry on our proud historical tradition (the GRBG was originally published in 1766 under the title "Howe to Best Triumphe in Your Fantastical Butter-Churning League") by going ahead and asking Mr. Bradley questions to which he has already given answers elsewhere. Links will of course be provided.

Gowanus Rotisserie Baseball Gazette: Mr. Bradley, thanks for taking the time to speak with us today. How has the young season been treating you to date?

Milton Bradley: "I couldn't be happier. I'm playing major league baseball and having fun." (

GRBG: Do you have any sort of overarching philosophical approach to your game?

MB: "There is a quote from Mya [sic] Angelou and I don't know it exactly, but it goes something like this: 'Do things so well that people can't take their eyes off you. All tangible rewards will come as a result.'" (

GRBG: Moving. Technically, though, it's "Maya" Angelou, not "Mya". Mya has a better ass, however.

Anyhow, while you have been an effective fantasy weapon for most of the past three seasons, you've been dogged by accusations that you don't hustle enough for your real life team. Obviously, we here at the GRBG don't care about that sort of thing unless and until "Grittiness" is recognized as a valid fantasy category. But what's your reaction to the accusations that you dog it on the field?

MB: "I notice how all the stories that have been written make it out like there was some dramatic scene and that I did something wrong. Bottom line is I was bent on being healthy when [the season] rolled around. And I wasn't going to jeopardize my health for a spring training pop up and dissappoint [sic] the fans by missing playing time during the regular season again." (

GRBG: Eminently reasonable. More seriously, though, you've faced a number of team- or league-mandated suspensions over the years, which is something that cuts into your fantasy value as well as your value to the A's. Why do you think this pattern of suspensions has developed?

MB: "[S]ome stuff isn't my fault, but because it's me and I messed up before, it's always my fault. When I threw that bottle out there, that was my fault. But everything after that, that wasn't my fault. People think they have to deal with me differently. I've never put a hand on anybody. You'd swear I beat the world up. Sure, I go off verbally at times, but then I'm done with it." (Baseball Prospectus)

GRBG: Well, sure. Heck, I called my co-author's team an unmitigated disaster in the season previews, and nobody suspended me for that. But the thing is that there have been a few occasions where things are alleged to have gone beyond mere words--like for example the three times the police were called to your house to respond to alleged domestic violence.

MB: "Some people want to be bigger than they are. You have no credentials, you have no history of anything, how are you going to tell someone else what he needs to be doing? I can't respect somebody that has nothing to go on." (

GRBG: Well, as I mentioned above, we do in fact have an august history here at the GRBG. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that it would have been virtually impossible to win a fantasy butter-churning league back in the day without having at least a passing familiarity with the advice provided by our forerunner publication. We pretty much invented the Pronated Reverse Churn. However, I'll admit that we have less experience dealing with baseball generally, and you specifically.

MB: "If you don't know me and I don't know you, don't approach me, and I won't approach you. Don't insult me, and I won't insult you, because you don't know what I will or won't do." (

GRBG: Hey, look, fine, whatever. Just put up a 20/20 this year and you can kill and eat Romanian orphans as far as I'm concerned. Here, as a goodwill gesture, we'll let you have the last word. How would you like to be remembered once you've hung up your spikes for the last time?

MB: "I want people to say Milton Bradley was a pretty good ballplayer and a pretty good person. Anybody who is going to stand between me getting there, then they need to be eliminated." (Trapped in LA)

GRBG: I either can't or shouldn't argue with that. Mr. Bradley, thanks for your time. Check back frequently for additional interviews, which I am strongly considering doing by long-distance phone in the future.

1 comment:

El Angelo said...

This is highly reminiscent of the Unauthorized Autobiography of Dan Quayle.