Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Hello, My Name Is Jose and I Will Be Your Batterer This Evening

Former Boston second baseman Jose Offerman, best known to Sox fans for his hands of stone, feet of lead, and contract of purest albatross, now has a new claim to fame: batshit crazy mound-charger.

The picture above is of Offerman, who is now playing for the Long Island Ducks of the independent Greater Southern New England Baseball and Pie Eating League (aka the Atlantic League). He was hit in the leg by a pitch in last night's game against the Bridgeport Bluefish. After undoubtedly running through an extensive decision tree, Offerman settled on responding by bringing his bat out to the mound to give the pitcher a taste of the good life.

First things first, I have to admire Jose's form on his forehand approach shot here. Racquet back, good shoulder turn, stepping into the ball nicely, all first-rate stuff. I think he was going for a slice shot out wide to his opponent's backhand, but instead had to settle for breaking the middle finger on the pitcher's non-throwing hand and accidentally concussing the opposing catcher on his backswing.

Jose's groundstrokes now supplant Izzy Alcantara's steroid-fueled karate kick as the greatest mound charge in late-90's-related Sox history. One wonders what the next step will be. If in a couple of years Brian Daubach brings a MAC-10 out to the mound with him in a charity softball game in Conestoga, it will officially be time to check the walls of the Fenway clubhouse for lead paint.

1 comment:

Sahil said...

dude, this was seriously well done. kudos.