At the suggestion of esteemed owner Jake, we're live blogging our draft, which is neither live nor in person, but instead by email. We're really scraping the bottom of the barrel here, because we can't even be Bill Simmons and relay lame jokes he told his father, since it's by email. On the plus side, we're starting this in round 9 of a keeper league draft with 12 fairly savvy owners, meaning the picks left are on their face comedic. Let's do it!
7:25 am. I wake up to find 11 emails that establish (1) that Jon and Andy don't speak about the league frequently, (2) Sahil will be picking in the morning, and (3) Corey stays up late. Anyway, our mid-night picks are John Maine (Wu Tang Financial) and John Smoltz (Aroids Anonymous).
In other words, one guy who can't pitch because he's hurt, and one guy who can't pitch because he can't pitch. Off to a good start. (Teddy)
8:09 am. Review of the list reveals that the next 4 picks go to Andy, Scot, Andrew and Tucker. Amazingly the 9th round is the first round in the draft where there hasn't been a traded pick.
8:27 am. The Commish kicks the day off by taking Grant Balfour, RP, Tampa. He's the second non-closer reliever taken this round, which I kicked off with Jose Arredondo, who also is not closing. This may signal a run on middle relievers.
8:46 am. Scot goes with Felipe Lopez, presumably not the former SI cover boy. If I had made this pick, about 14 Tarik Turner jokes would have followed.
The 11 remaining St. John's hoops fans are all over that joke. We could go back to making Torkie jokes and have a bigger audience. (Teddy)
10:16 am. Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Hey, the Cardinal Newman society has a petition up to ban Barack Obama from speaking at Notre Dame's commencement. I can't tell if this is an indictment on the zealots in the Newman club or a chance to take potshots at Notre Dame. Since I hate Notre Dame with a passion, I'll happily interpret it as (b).
10:25 am. One complaint later and we're rolling! The 2007 champ takes Jeremy Guthrie, who somehow is the ace of the Orioles' staff. The 2008 champ takes Slick Wily Taveras, who's better than the last OF they took (Denard Span). Potential 2039 champ Ironhead then goes back to back with a pair of Bay Area players: Giambino and Jonathan Sanchez. Clearly, Sahil is not springing for the Extra Innings package this year.
With Guthrie taken, do we now have a starter drafted or kept from every team? Has the bottom been reached? (Teddy)
10:29 am. Next 4 picks: Will, Jake, Alex and Teddy. This is roughly the point in the draft where (a) we see flyers taken on relievers and bench players, (b) prospects get taken to fill out the prospect lists, and (c) Rey Durham gets taken.
11:58 am. Beethoven is out of the Florida Derby and probably the Kentucky Derby with a leg injury. There goes that future bet.
12:52 pm. Live blogs only work when....things happen. William?
1:01 pm. To answer Teddy's earlier question: no. Nobody has taken a starting pitcher from either Texas or Washington.
I'd totally flaked on Texas; for some reason I thought the oft-imitated, never duplicated Oliver Perez ended up on the Nats instead of back in New York. Does Perez have naked pictures of Omar Minaya somewhere? (Teddy)
2:40 pm. Signs of life! Will lands in Denver, buys himself a Fat Tire, and takes Kelvim Escobar, marking the first year that Escobar hasn't started the year on Teddy's squad. Jake then ups the stupidity by selecting busted catcher Jorge Posada, but in fairness, he's a pretty decent gamble for the 228th player taken.
2:49 pm. Apparently the site's going down for a little while at 7 EDT, which is fine, because I'll probably be on a train home then. Next 4 up are Alex, Teddy, Jon and Corey.
3:06 pm. Some signs of life, as Alex goes with Jorge Cantu and Teddy shores up the catcher spot with Villa Napoli. Both fall in the category of "defensible and boring".
4:18 pm. Jon pulls the annual "make a catcher out of a non-catcher" trick by drafting Pablo Sandoval, who is eligible at C based on playing 11 games there last year. He follows in the fine tradition of Bob Fick, Brandon Inge, and Josh Willingham as guys who stink as position players but are fine catching options. Corey follows this up by picking BJ du jour Dustin McGowan, who might play again in July, and Andy curiously follows with the hated JD Drew.
I'm pretty sure Pablo Sandoval was a character in Grand Theft Auto 4. I actually don't mind Drew here, despite the fact that he has already had one cortisone injection in his back this season--for the 85 games he's healthy, he'll produce. (Teddy)
5:09 pm. Day's winding down, and we have polar opposite picks. Scot goes all upside with Jordan Zimmerman, while Andrew takes a crap with Adrian Beltre, who may have aged another year while I typed this. Tucker's on the clock to end this round. Crap, I have to start looking at player lists.
6:30 pm. In rapid succession, the Tucker-Angelo-Ironhead-Wilford quartet take Manny Corpas, Justin Masterson, Cory Snyder, and Shin Shoo-Choo, enabling Will to board a plane back home. Vegas has set the over/under of the combined VORP of this group of players at 8.5.