Transactions Analysis: Squadoosh Free Edition

It's only been a week since the last TA, but amazingly, everyone in the league has managed to make a transaction, making this edition Squadoosh-Free. It also makes it craptastic, because honestly, this is one of the worst collections of fantasy players I've ever seen. Let's see what made everyone jump at their keyboard this week. (El Angelo)

This is borderline Entrapment, but I’ll allow it. God, what Douglas has done to her is a crime. (Teddy)

The Little Green One

• Signed Daisuke Matsuzaka, SP, Boston; Released Craig Kimbrel, RP, Atlanta [5/14]

Our first pickup this week is a guy who has had 1 good start in 3 tries this year, which is appropos, because he had 1 good season in his first three years with the Red Sox. If you can spot start him correctly, you'll get 9 decent starts a year out of him, meaning you're using a roster spot on a player that contributes 5.6% of the time. Call me crazy, but that seems like shitty roster management, though it might be inspired genius compared to having the Braves' third ROOGY actually playing for you. (El Angelo)

I know the stat to look for when spotting Dice-K for starts, and will let this owner know as soon as he trades me Chase Utley on favorable terms. (Teddy)

The Spam Avengers

• Released Nolan Reimold, OF, Baltimore [5/13]
• Signed Chris Coghlan, OF, Florida [5/17]

Clearest sign that a team is in win-now mode: in a week, dropping the better long-term player for a short-term potential gain. Of course, when the pickup is putting up an almost unfathomable .214/.272/.270 slash line, it means that Nolan Reimold should be working on his GED. (El Angelo)

Right, it’s the “potential gain” side of the equation where I have a few questions, given that Chris Coghlan was really only a 2- or 3-category guy when he was playing well last year. Reimold, of course, is a Norfolk Tide at the moment, so cutting him seems like a decent idea—if you can’t stick with the 2d-worst offensive team in the A.L., you probably aren’t a viable fantasy option. (Teddy)

The Revenge Society

• Signed Derek Holland, SP, Texas; Released Eric Young the Lesser, 2B, Colorado [5/12]
  
• Released Cliff Pennington, SS, Oakland [5/13]
• Signed Aaron Heilman, RP, Notre Dame; Released Jim Thome, Creaky Hitter, Minnesota [5/17]

Sign #483 that we are old: Eric Young Jr., whose father I had on multiple fantasy teams, is now a viable fantasy player. Sign #484: Aaron Heilman has gone from prospect to bust to useful to crap to potential source for saves. Again, this may say more about the D-Backs than it does about Heilman's efficacy. (El Angelo)

Angelo carries around the burden of what the Germans call Metropolitzangst, which is coloring his view of the pickup of Heilman, the former Met. I was actually thinking of grabbing him myself when the league leaders snaked in. Once again, the guys headed in here are superior to the ones going out, which is about all you can do as a fantasy GM. (Teddy)

Le Dupont Torkies

• Signed Johnny Cueto, SP, Cincy; Released John Baker, C, Florida [5/12]

As I type this, Johnny Cueto is throwing a 1-run gem for the first-place Reds while mired away on Tucker's bench. So the pickup is good, but you have to use the players you have, rather than relying on the dessicated remains of Chris Volstad. Maybe this is why this team is below me for the first time in 7 years. (El Angelo)

I had Cueto, but cut him in a fit of pique after he surrendered a bases-loaded walk to Alex Cora a couple of weeks ago. I now worry that I sacrificed a potentially useful piece just to get the short-term endorphin rush of shitcanning him. But I won’t lie, it felt real good at the time. (Teddy)

Jeters Never Prosper

• Signed Hisanori Takahashi, RP, New York (NL); Released Josh Outman, SP, Oakland [5/12]

What the hell could have happened to your roster that your plan would have included picking up a Met middle reliever? K-Rod is not getting dethroned, and if he's hurt, Takahashi is unlikely to take over closing duties? Is this a form of self-flagellation because the owner had Dallas Braden one his bench when he threw a perfect game? (El Angelo)

See above re Metropolitzangst. (Teddy)

Wu Tang Financial

• Signed Jason Vargas, SP, Seattle; Released Justin Masterson, SP, Cleveland [5/16]

The most notable thing that's happened in Jason Vargas' career is being drafted in 2004 the pick before Ray Liotta. (El Angelo)

Vargas is a…wait, really? Ang, are you making that up?

Huh, I guess not.

Anyway, Vargas is a useful spot guy as long as you keep him away from HR-friendly parks. At this point, his major problem is that he plays for a team that hasn’t won a game since Tax Day, and whose major FA signing (Chone Figgins) is currently putting up an incomprehensible line of .182/.306/.242. (Teddy)

Duck-Duck-Duck-Fuke

• Signed James Loney, 1B, Los Angeles; Released Jose Lopez, Jack of All Trades, Seattle [5/12]
• Released David Freese, 3B, St. Louis and Chris Snyder, C, Arizona [5/17]

Didn't Will pick James Loney in the draft and have him on the team all along? I feel like something went wrong here. At any rate, I'm not sure about the dropping of David Freese--he's the only Cardinal not named Rasmus that's been hitting a lick this year, and the third base crop is absurdly shallow. Yeah they have Young, but can you trust him to stay healthy for the entire year? (El Angelo)

Loney is living the Lyle Overbite lifestyle, getting OB, hitting for a nice average, but with power that is juuuuust short of adequate. He’ll be a fantasy roster yo-yo for years. Freese is like a 28 year-old second-year guy who has stumbled into a position on a decent team, meaning he’s on the Brian Daubach path. And nobody ever lost a league because they had too little faith in Brian Daubach. (Teddy)

Gowanus Superfunders

• Signed Kevin Millwood, SP, Baltimore; Released Brandon League, RP, Seattle [5/12]
• Released Millwood; Signed Dan Wheeler, RP, Tampa [5/13]

Stat line for Millwood's one start with the Toxic Sludges: 6 2/3 innings, 8 baserunners, 5 runs, 5 K's, and 3 home runs. But that doesn't even get to describe how bad the gopher balls were: Millwood gave up blasts to Mike Sweeney, who's playing on half a leg, M. Saunders, who I've never heard of, and Ichiro! They were wise to cut him afterwards in basically a lateral swap of crappy relievers, while only incurring a small penalty for a stupid pickup. (El Angelo)

This was a test of my theory that it is smart to play ANY SP against Seattle. Apparently there are limits to the theory. And, as is so often the case, those limits lie on the other side of Kevin Millwood. (Teddy)

Suck It, Silver

• Released Juan Gutierrez, RP, Arizona [5/16]

A reliever that has more earned runs allowed (16) than strikeouts (12) is not very good. (El Angelo)

Yes. (Teddy)

pastywhite tyrones

• Signed Jose Bautista, 3B, Toronto; Released Carlos Villanueva, RP, Milwaukee; Futzed around aimlessly with Tony Gwynn, Jr., OF, San Diego [5/12]
• Signed Jon Garland, SP, Arizona; Released Jeff Francouer, SP, New York (NL) [5/14]
• Signed Clay Hensley, SP, San Diego; Released Hideki Matsui, DH, Anaheim [5/17]
  

Releasing a bad Met, a bad ex-Yankee and a guy with no eyebrows generally makes for a good TA, and Jose Bautista appears to have stolen Aaron Hill's cream and clear, making him a solid pickup. I don't like the Garland acquisition though--innings eaters, while useful in the majors, are useless in the fantasy world. You're better off taking a stab with a high K middle reliever; Garland provides you absolutely no statistics you'd want. (El Angelo)

Every Padre pitcher is “overperforming” right now, which means we might need to re-evaluate that whole staff in light of the lack of offense in the NL West. Jon Garland’s not the future, but he’s far from the worst guy to have on your roster right now. (Teddy)

The Situation Room

• Signed Troy Glaus, 1B, Atlanta; Released Kila Ka'ihue, 1B, Kansas City [5/12]
• Signed Gaby Sanchez, 1B, Florida; Released Wilson Ramos, C, Minnesota [5/15]
• Released Glaus; Signed Luke Gregerson, RP, San Diego [5/17]

Even I can't defend the Glaus pickup. Gaby Sanchez is roughly what Ka'ihue was, a dice roll at a highly touted 1B prospect who's going to get some playing time. One out of every 5 becomes Kendry Morales. Sadly, the other 4 becom Alan Zinter. (El Angelo)

Except that Gaby is blocking the highly touted prospect (Logan Morrison), whereas Kila Ka'ihue at least theoretically IS the highly touted prospect. (Teddy)

Enrico Palazzo

• Signed David Ortiz, DH, Boston; Released Alcides Escobar, SS, Milwaukee [5/15]

I'm trying to think how you could swap players that are more different than these two. One is old, steroid-ridden, fat, slow, hits for a ton of power, has no defensive acumen, is one of the masters of the Three True Outcomes, and plays for the Sawx. The other is young, fast, short, skinny, can't hit for anything, is a defensive whiz, and plays for the Brewers. Does these guys have anything in common? (El Angelo)

They’ve both played in Wisconsin. Ortiz played for the A-ball Wisconsin Timber Rattlers (?) back in the day, and managed to pick up a corn/cheese-fed ‘Sconsin bride while there.