Sunday, December 16, 2007

Tremendous Week for Fantasy Screw Jobs

We don't talk a lot of fantasy football here, and that's okay, we're the GRBG, not the GRFG. (We'll ignore the fact that this permits us to take detours into the lands of horse racing, soccer, and Boston politics.) But this week is too good to not mention the fantastic week of middle fingers foisted at fantasy football players this week. For those in conventional FFB leagues, this is playoffs time, and probably a semi-finals week. The time that you've been building towards. The time that your draft was intended to culminate at. And what happens? Let's look at, in reverse order, the five largest asshole moves that happened today to kill playoff berths:

#5: Joseph Addai. Now granted, this could happen any week: a fantasy back draws a tough matchup, and just doesn't have a big day when you need him to. But Addai had moved into the premier echelon of fantasy RB's this year. And he was playing Oakland. AT Oakland. Unlike the entire East coast, there was no snow in Oakland. So they're playing an awful team....great, right? NO. Somehow, he only manages 77 yards on 20 touches today, and even his garbage two-point conversion can't save the fact that he didn't get in the end zone. Bad timing, Guiseppe.

#4: Tony Romo. Many a surprise contender this year was built around Mr. Simpson's blossoming into an elite player. Not only did The Ribs Guy pull off a 3-pick performance against a crappy Iggles team, he broke his thumb. Oops. Even if you survived your game with Tony today, you're not happy about next week's prospects of a guy with 9 digits.

#3: Tom Brady. Let's look at Tom Brady's score lines this year in a conventional league: 23-21-26-19-22-33-36-35-19-34-20-17-31. He's having arguably the greatest fantasy QB year ever. And week 15 presents a gift that Brady owners were salivating for weeks in advance: home against the Jets. So what intervenes? Hurricane Freaking Zelda. The nor'easter that hammered the entire East coast took out his passing game and rendered him useless. No TDs, bad INTs, and no garbage yards on the ground. Just 3 measley points. In the playoff week.

#2: Tampa Bay Defense. This wasn't a curse if you had it, this was a curse if you faced it. There isn't a single person that is taking Tampa seriously this year, and with good reason. Still, there was some merit to having them against the Falcons. Then Petrino quit. Uh oh. And then lo and behold, they pull off the ultimate f-you: they ran back their first kickoff for a touchdown. EVER. As my buddy emailed me today: "Tampa's Defense is killing me single-handedly. Are we using 2002 stats?"

Losing to a Tampa runback should have you hit #1. But it doesn't, and that's thanks to.....

#1: Brian Westbrook. Paint the picture for a second: Iggles up by 4, two minute warning is about to hit, Cowboys have no timeouts. Westbrook breaks free for a run straight at the end zone. Free money! No! He intelligently (for real football) takes a knee at the 1, enabling the Eagles to kneel out the game and not have to kick it off again. That's super. That's great. That's 6 points you cost half a billion Westbrook owners, and probably about 50,000 league titles as a result. Thanks for nothing, buddy.


Teddy said...

This is Exhibit A why the H2H format sucks. Any H2H football league is necessarily going to have its playoffs in weeks when half the teams in the NFL have nothing to play for, and some other meaningful fraction are playing in hip-deep snow in Buffalo.

El Angelo said...

It's mild compared to baseball. I'm in a baseball H2H league. Try doing the playoffs in September when guys are officially mailing it in to prepare for next year (see Bedard, Erik) and there are a bunch of crappy AAA players stealing time from Hideki Matsui. Bah.