Daily Super Bowl Hype Meme: The Pats as the Greatest Team Ever?

Picking up on the theme of yesterday’s meme, the status of the desultory crotchety members of the 1972 Miami Dolphins, let’s look at another overarching theme for this fortnight: are the 2007 New England Patriots the best team ever?

A fascinating question. And the ultimate case of putting the cart before the horse. I think it’s pretty much beyond dispute that should New England honk the Super Bowl, they’re going to be remembered in the same context as the 1991 UNLV Running Rebels—a team that had a tremendous, epic regular season, and utterly choked against a good team when it mattered most. We at the GRBG hate to oversimplify matters, but you can’t take the throne of “best ever” when you don’t win the championship. And we haven’t played the damn game yet. How on earth can you even consider whether or not the Pats are in the pantheon until they’ve had a shot to win?

Still, let’s play along with this moronic game and buy the proposition that the Pats are inexorably destined to win on Sunday night. Great, they must be one of the best, right? Who knows? Another big cart/horse issue is that you have to believe how the Pats win the game is part and parcel with how they’re ultimately judged. There’s a reason that we consider the 1985 Bears and 1989 Niners to be in the Best Ever argument while the 1999 Rams are nowhere to be found—in addition to dominating regular seasons, they utterly annihilated their competition in the Super Bowls. Doesn’t it matter whether the final score is 63-7 or 21-20? I have to think yes.

Then, of course, there’s the fact that arguing about whether the Pats are the best ever is simply another matter of building the hype machine. “SEE THE BEST TEAM EVER!” “CAN THEY GO 19-0?” Please. Are you insinuating that whether or not the Pats lost that game to the Ravens would change anything about this game? This is simply a further extension of Teddy’s observations on the Neilsen ratings for the game: a way of promoting something that doesn’t need promoting.

It’s only fitting that we’re discussing this today, on the one year anniversary of Barbaro’s death and the day that they determined to scatter his ashes at Churchill Downs. (Why did this take a year to decide? What do I look like, his biographer?) After Barbaro romped in the Derby, the entire media and racing world had crowned him the next Seattle Slew, and our 12th Triple Crown winner. Two weeks later, he had lost the Preakness due to injury and running into a buzzsaw in Bernardini, and nine months later he was dead. This is not to pour on Barbaro, but to point out the obvious: they play the games because nothing is a fait accompli in sports. For all we know, Matt Light will get herpes and miss the Super Bowl, Lawrence Moroney’s helmet will end up in the Thurman Thomas Wormhole, and Tom Brady will spend half the game on the floor. That would probably change the end result and moot this debate, wouldn’t it? Denny Green notwithstanding, it's a bit early to crown their asses.

In short, let’s have them play the damn game first before we determine that the Pats belong in the upper echelon of teams. This debate is a pointless one until the game is over, but will become a real one should Belichick hoist the Lombardi at 10 PM Sunday night. Therefore, let’s give this about a 5 on the Bullshitatron for digging up a real idea at the dumbest time.

Daily Super Bowl Hype Meme: Das Boot

For an explanation of the Super Bowl Hype Meme of the Day, click here.

BRISTOL, Connecticut: By nearly any measure, former New York Times Review of Books editor and current ESPN.com ombudsman Le Anne Schreiber has had a remarkable journalistic career. Sadly, that career came to an abrupt end Tuesday night, when Ms. Schreiber passed away in her home in Connecticut while watching ESPN SportsCenter's coverage of Patriot quarterback Tom Brady's ankle injury. One witness attributes Ms. Schreiber's death to "her damn head exploding," though doctors are officially attributing the passing to "a rapid pressure change in Ms. Schreiber's intracranial cavity."

* * *

The boot, the boot, oh my God, the freaking boot. For those who are still somehow blissfully unaware, Tom Brady was photographed on Monday wearing a protective boot/walking cast on his right foot. The photographs show him wearing the boot as he walks up a flight of stairs into his girlfriend Gisele Bundchen's place in Manhattan. Other photographs taken later that night show him walking without the boot, which was presumably removed at Gisele's in order to facilitate her licking whipped cream off of Tom's toes. End of story, right?

Any other week, absolutely. But during Super Bowl bye week, with baseball and college football gone, college basketball not really going yet, and the NHL and NBA in the boring middle of their regular-season slogs? Gold!

So SportsCenter reacted accordingly, eliciting the opinions of: (1 & 2) both anchormen; (3) ESPN analyst John Clayton; (4) Giants' defensive end Justin Tuck; (5) Brady's father; (6) an unnamed Brady teammate; (7) an official Patriots' spokesperson; and (8) ESPN analyst and former QB Ron Jaworski on the issue. Every single one of them said that the purported "injury" wasn't a big deal, and would have no impact on the game next week. After the first two people expressed that opinion, I was inclined to agree. Certainly no later than four guys in, I was convinced. Pontificators 5-8 caused my left eye to begin twitching, and were no doubt the cause of Ms. Schreiber's unfortunate demise.

Jaworksi needs to be singled out for special scrutiny here. Let me make clear at the outset that nobody on television knows more football than Jaws, and he is a generally a favorite of us here at the GRBG.

But during Jaws' segment, he gleefully admitted to having watched every New England offensive snap against San Diego at least 10 times in an effort to identify the moment the injury occurred. At no point was it explained why the hell it mattered when the injury occurred if it would have no impact on the Super Bowl. Regardless, Jaws carried on, running the film slower and slower, until he was finally able to find the precise instant that the second shot hit former Texas Governor John Connally. Also, Jaws thinks Brady rolled his ankle in the first quarter.

Honestly, mocking this is a little too easy, like shooting Super Bowl hype memes in a barrel. Even the ESPN guys seemed to realize the ridiculousness of their saturation coverage, but seemed powerless to stop it. Plus, a real injury to Brady would be a legitimate topic of discussion. So we'll take a little pity here and split the Meme Scale grade: 3 for the subject; 9.8 for the execution. I'm holding back on the perfect 10 only because these idiots have another week and and half to come up with something even worse.

Tremendous Week for Fantasy Screw Jobs

We don't talk a lot of fantasy football here, and that's okay, we're the GRBG, not the GRFG. (We'll ignore the fact that this permits us to take detours into the lands of horse racing, soccer, and Boston politics.) But this week is too good to not mention the fantastic week of middle fingers foisted at fantasy football players this week. For those in conventional FFB leagues, this is playoffs time, and probably a semi-finals week. The time that you've been building towards. The time that your draft was intended to culminate at. And what happens? Let's look at, in reverse order, the five largest asshole moves that happened today to kill playoff berths:

#5: Joseph Addai. Now granted, this could happen any week: a fantasy back draws a tough matchup, and just doesn't have a big day when you need him to. But Addai had moved into the premier echelon of fantasy RB's this year. And he was playing Oakland. AT Oakland. Unlike the entire East coast, there was no snow in Oakland. So they're playing an awful team....great, right? NO. Somehow, he only manages 77 yards on 20 touches today, and even his garbage two-point conversion can't save the fact that he didn't get in the end zone. Bad timing, Guiseppe.

#4: Tony Romo. Many a surprise contender this year was built around Mr. Simpson's blossoming into an elite player. Not only did The Ribs Guy pull off a 3-pick performance against a crappy Iggles team, he broke his thumb. Oops. Even if you survived your game with Tony today, you're not happy about next week's prospects of a guy with 9 digits.

#3: Tom Brady. Let's look at Tom Brady's score lines this year in a conventional league: 23-21-26-19-22-33-36-35-19-34-20-17-31. He's having arguably the greatest fantasy QB year ever. And week 15 presents a gift that Brady owners were salivating for weeks in advance: home against the Jets. So what intervenes? Hurricane Freaking Zelda. The nor'easter that hammered the entire East coast took out his passing game and rendered him useless. No TDs, bad INTs, and no garbage yards on the ground. Just 3 measley points. In the playoff week.

#2: Tampa Bay Defense. This wasn't a curse if you had it, this was a curse if you faced it. There isn't a single person that is taking Tampa seriously this year, and with good reason. Still, there was some merit to having them against the Falcons. Then Petrino quit. Uh oh. And then lo and behold, they pull off the ultimate f-you: they ran back their first kickoff for a touchdown. EVER. As my buddy emailed me today: "Tampa's Defense is killing me single-handedly. Are we using 2002 stats?"

Losing to a Tampa runback should have you hit #1. But it doesn't, and that's thanks to.....

#1: Brian Westbrook. Paint the picture for a second: Iggles up by 4, two minute warning is about to hit, Cowboys have no timeouts. Westbrook breaks free for a run straight at the end zone. Free money! No! He intelligently (for real football) takes a knee at the 1, enabling the Eagles to kneel out the game and not have to kick it off again. That's super. That's great. That's 6 points you cost half a billion Westbrook owners, and probably about 50,000 league titles as a result. Thanks for nothing, buddy.

The Best Sixth Round Ever?

There's an article in Saturday's New York Times concerning Tom Brady, who, as we well know, was pick #199 in the 2000 draft, and was the 7th quarterback taken. Which obviously leads to the question: who were the other humps taken before him? Let's examine the QBs taken that draft:

#18: Chad Pennington, NY Jets. You can't say this was a bad pick, as he's had a decent career with Gang Green, it just pales in comparison to what came later.

#65: Giovanni Carmazzi, San Fran. Oops. Lesson learned: only draft Hofstra WR's.

#75: Chris Redman, Baltimore Ravens. This pick was so similar to Browning Nagle (getting thumped, left) from the outset, it's pretty funny.

#163: Tee Martin, Pittsburgh Steelers. The Troy Smith of 2000.

#168: Marc Bulger, New Orleans Saints. This was a tremendous pick obviously, though he never took a snap for the team that drafted him. Great job giving him away for a box of donuts, 'Aints.

#183: Spergeon Wynn, Cleveland Browns. The only QB that could have given Tim Couch job security.

#199: Tom Brady, New England Patriots. No explanation necessary.

After Brady: Tom Husak (Washington); JaJuan Seider (San Diego); Tim Rattay (San Fran); Jarious Jackson (Denver); Joe Not Joey Hamilton (Tampa Bay). Outside of Rattay, I'm not sure if there was a single snap taken by any of these guys in the NFL, though Jackson's a fricking stud for British Columbia in the Canadian Football League.

Suffice to say this was a decent QB class: three bonafide starters, including one Hall of Famer and one Pro Bowler in the mix. But what's more amazing is to just look at that sixth round in general, it's almost as if the entire league slept through the middle portion of the draft and woke up after a pizza break Sunday afternoon. Let's look at some of the highlights from that round:

• Mark Bulger & Tom Brady---See above.

• Adaleius Thomas---This guy alone would be a great find in this round, let alone with the two big QB's.

• Neil Rackers---A Pro Bowl kicker, and a machine from inside 40 yards, whatever the hell that's worth.

• Mike Anderson---A useful-to-good RB for Denver until Shanahan gave up on him for no reason whatsoever. Seriously, what the hell goes on in the RB section of that locker room? Do you just walk in knowing you have a half-life of 8 games?
  

• Robaire Smith---A real nice defensive player that did a ton for Tennessee until leaving this year.

• Dhani Jones---In addition to being a fair linebacker, he founded a company that sells bow ties. Awesome.

My somewhat cursory investigation into the post-1996 drafts has shown NO sixth rounds rivals this one. Only one other has more than 2 Pro Bowlers, and that one includes David Tyree, who sucks. Pretty amazing at the end of the day. Lesson---never stop paying attention, GM's, and scout those late rounds out well.