Transactions Analysis: Guest Lecturer Edition

As Uncle Teddy is currently in the throes of studying for Tuesday’s California Bar Exam, he’s indisposed of at least until he recovers from the both the post-exam hangover and the euphoria of leaving scenic Sacramento in late July. But here at the Gazette, our commitment to journalism and snarkiness waits for nobody, so we press on with the authorship of our latest TA. It’s my privilege to be joined by fellow attorney, Hoya, Lion and Met fan Ironhead Godiwala, who is currently stewarding the broken shift keys to an 11th place title, not surprisingly because I helped him draft his team this year. Ready to fill in, Brownie? (El Angelo)

I’m always ready to fill in…your mom. Hah. Use of the shift Key in this Ta will be SpOradiC and may resemble a ransom note. (ironhead)

Presidential Timber

• Signed Chris Ianetta, C, Colorado [7/10]
• Signed Chris Volstad, RP, Florida; Released Brian Bannister, SP, Kansas City [7/13]
• Released Paul Bako, C, Cincinnati [7/17]
• Signed Josh Johnson, SP, Florida; Released Kevin Millar, 1B, Baltimore [7/22]
• Released Edgar Gonzalez, 2B, San Diego [7/25]

There’s something beautiful and symmetrical about the team with the Worst Keeper of 2008 (Rickie Weeks) picking up Ianetta, who was retroactively awarded the Worst Keeper of 2007 after the erstwhile owner of this squad traded away Prince Fielder and Jose Valverde for him. Well played. Also, Chris Volstad sucks. (El Angelo)

Wasn’t “Volstad” the name of the sub chasing the Red October? Who the hell are these people? And why are so many Latin American players named “Edgar”? That’s such a crappy name. I wish we had more names like “Ednison” or “Epluribus” in baseball. And in life. (iRONhead)

Matsui’s Fissure

• Signed Randy Winn, OF, San Francisco, Yadir Molina, C/Scumbag, St. Louis, and Melvin Mora, 3B, Baltimore; Released Michael Bourn, OF, Houston, Ramon Vazquez, 3B, Texas and Jesse Listch, SP, Toronto [7/23]

Out with the old in with the...old guys? Somehow the Anal Rippers have managed to add some AARP memberships and a schmuck in Missouri to their roster while purging themselves of a real stolen base threat. Now I’ll concede that Michael Bourn has exactly zero other assets than being fast, and he may in fact be the real life Willie Mays Hayes, or even just this Presidential cycle’s Kimera Bartee. But Winn and Mora? What are they bringing you towards besides being simply acting as a catalyst towards their Pewter Parachute candidacies? (Angelo)
Randy Winn sucks. As someone subjected to Giants games thanks to geography and a lost remote, I’m continually shocked he still has a job. He’s an ass with a .250 average who somehow manages to get a good reputation outside the City of Foggy Buttsex. Mora I’ve always liked, mostly because of that awesome “playoffs” rant he delivered back in the day. Although I have to admit, it’s amazing what they could do with CGI back then. (ronheadI)

54◦40’ or Fight!

• Signed Octavio Dotel, RP, Kansas City; Released Chad Qualls, RP, Houston [7/9]
• Signed Scott Rolen, 3B, Toronto, Scott Olsen, SP, Florida, Ron Mahay, RP, Kansas City, and Edgar Rentasuck, SS, Detroit; Released Jason Bartlett, SS, Tampa Bay, Mark Buerhle, SP, Chicago (AL), Dana Eveland, SP, Oakland and Matt Cain, SP, San Fran [7/15]
• Released Mahay; Signed Duaner Sanchez, RP, New York (NL) [7/21]
• Released Rolen [7/24]
• Signed Eric Byrnes, OF, Arizona and Chad Durbin, RP, Philly; Released Chase Headley, 3B, San Diego [7/25]
• Released Sanchez; Claimed Michael Bourn, OF, Houston, off waivers [7/26]

I freely admit that the entire July 15th transaction line was an attempt to cut Cain, have him clear waivers and re-set his eligibility while the rest of the league was taking a nap during the All-Star break. It was probably folly to think I could fool all 11 of you clowns, but the downside was pretty minimal, as Cain wasn’t +1 keeper material for me anyway. (It also didn’t hurt that Yahoo was complicit in foiling my plan by not letting me make transactions on the 14th, i.e., Josh Hamilton Day. Thanks, Jerry Yang.) More to my liking is that Byrnes did clear waivers and now is a victim of the DL-stash routine. He’s joining Jeremy Bonderman in the hmmmm category for ’09 rebound keepers. Unlike Chad Durbin, who’s on my roster solely to jinx the Phillies. (El Angelo)

Wow. Now this is a transactions list you can sink your teeth into. And anything that starts off with signing a Royal and then picking up Willie Mays Hayes is gold. But the best part is Grasso’s picking up a Chad, dropping a Chase. It’s like rush week at the Delta House! (headiron)

Wu Tang Financial

• Released Jayson Werth, OF, Philly [7/23]
• Signed Armando Gallaraga, SP, Detroit; Released Brian Shouse, RP, Milwaukee [7/27]

This pretty squarely falls in the category of fucking around with Titanic deck chairs, as the interchanging of boring middle relievers/back end starters isn’t something you can endorse, enjoy, criticize or laud. So I’m going to be crabby and flog Jon for having a such an uninteresting transaction line. Please try to make this more interesting for us in the future. In the world of TAing, the cardinal sin isn’t a bad transaction, it’s a boring transaction. And these are the Sam Nunns of rotisserie baseball. (El Angelo)

“Armando” is just fun to say. Arrrrrrrrrrrmando. (me)

Christmas Critters

• Claimed Matt Cain, SP, San Fran off waivers; Signed Brendan Harris, MI, Minnesota; Released Coco Cordero, RP, Washington and Hunter Pence, OF, Houston [7/18]
• Waived Harris; Signed Eugenio Velez, 2B, San Fran [7/21]
• Signed Joel Hanarhan, RP, Washington; Released Dan Wheeler, RP, Houston [7/22]
• Released Velez [7/27]

My gambit becomes Scot’s gain, as while he did have to use waiver priority on Cain, he wasn’t exactly near the top of the heap anyway, and Cain’s a decent rental for 3 months. Given that the team is really about 50/50 to win it at this point (barring a big move/run from one of the Prophets, Gravel Pits or Mutts), it can’t hurt to add a little extra starting pitching. And once again, this squad is the quickest to get a new closer once Rauch gets dealt. Good think it was the Pederast, Hanarhan, or someone. (El Angelo)

This is fun. Scott gets an ace pitcher and restarts his contract, drops Lawrenceville’s premier lacrosse player in Hunter Pence IV, and drops Velez after 6 days of fiddling. But overall, this is a solid move. K’s go up, WHIP/ERA go down, and Cain’s solid for the next few months, and if he gets traded, will be a solid starter for next year. (not El Angelo)

ceratomyxa Shasta

• Signed Ivan Rodriguez, C, Detroit; Released Russell Branyan, 1B, Milwaukee [7/7]

You can’t argue with dumping Branyan the minute he turned back into a pumpkin, and Pudge is, at worst, replacement value in the catching department. It’s unlikely the Algae of Doom can flip him into something of value beyond this year, but it’s not exactly like there’s a panoply of good catching prospects floating around in the netherworld that would make nice flyer pickups for next year, so you can’t really quibble with either half of this transaction. (El Angelo)

My team sucks underage dick. (Sugar, Mr. Poon?)

It’s Enrico Palazzo

• Released Eric Byrnes, OF, Arizona [7/22]
• Signed Rodney Fernando, RP, Detroit; Released Scott Linebrink, RP, Chicago (AL) [7/27]
• Signed Ubaldo Jimenez, SP, Colorado; Released Joe Blanton, SP, Philly [7/28]

Conventional wisdom would say that dealing a pitcher to a contending team in July is a good thing for him and his career. CW? Meet Joe Blanton, who is now in a bandbox with some hideous outfielders trying to play catch behind him. The cut was better late than never, and a prime example of how real life GM’s can screw you in fantasy leagues. Of course, Blanton was already this team’s 7th starter, so it’s not exactly like it’s a crippling blow to their chances, which is good, because Ubaldo Jimenez this year, I think, has been on the roster of the last 3 league champions, and has failed to contribute anything outside of giving each owner a guy to call “U.J”. (El Angelo)

No. (yes)

Frank the Tank

• Signed Jeff “Fabulous” Baker, 3B, Colorado, Doug Davis, SP, Arizona, and Dave Bush, SP, Milwaukee; Released Luke Scott, OF, Baltimore and Romulo Sanchez, RP, Pittsburgh [7/10]
• Released Josh Banks, SP, San Diego [7/17]
• Released Davis; Signed Mike Pelfrey, SP, New York (NL) [7/20]

Out of fricking nowhere, Mike Pelfrey is the best signing of this TA cycle. What the hell? Mikey, where has this exhibition of command, poise and control been for the past year and a half? The other moves are simply window-dressing, with the exception of cutting Josh Banks. I’m at an utter loss to know who he is, let alone why he was on a fantasy roster in a league that isn’t NL West only. (El Angelo)

See, now this I like. He picks up a cancerboy in Doug Davis who, coincidentally, has the same initials as Dave Dravecky. What this hopefully means is a game where Davis’ cancer-riddled body part snaps like a pencil and flies across the field. Since this cancer-riddled body part is his thyroid, I am especially looking forward to the remainder of this season. But then, probably out of fear of exactly that happening, he gets dropped for one of the few Metropolitans worth a damn this year. I also like how Mr. the Tank balanced the names—a buncha boring guys, blah blah Josh Jeff Joe-Buck Doug Dave, but then a ROMULO! (ignaciohead)

Le Dupont Torkies

• Signed Glen Perkins, SP, Minnesota; Released Eric Stuggots, SP, Los Angeles [7/18]
• Signed Hunter Pence, OF, Houston; Released Armando Galarraga, SP, Detroit [7/21]

What kind of a name is Pence anyway? (El Angelo)

Comanche Indian. Feather, not dot. I am especially pleased with Stuggots, who is almost a palindrome, and sounds vaguely like an insult to our brothers of the homosexual persuasion. And there’s Arrrrrrrrrrrrmando again, who briefly shared a team with Glen Perkins, sausage king of Chicago. ( )

I give Larry credit

My least favorite baseball player of all time knows exactly how to get under the skin of me and every other Met fan out there. From BP:

While much has been made about this being the last year of Yankee Stadium, Braves third baseman Chipper Jones says he will be sad to see the other New York ballpark torn down at season’s end, as he has always loved hitting at Shea Stadium, home of the Mets. Jones has lifetime slash stats of .310/.399/.561 at the stadium in the shadow of LaGuardia Airport in Queens, and has hit 19 home runs in 359 plate appearances. Among the homers was the first of his major league career, on May 9, 1995, off of Josias Manzanillo.

Jones loves the park so much that he named his now four-year-old son Shea, and asked Mets public relations director Jay Horwitz during this week’s All-Star festivities to make sure he saves him a memento from Shea Stadium. "I was like, 'You’ve got to hook me up, whether it’s a seat, whether it’s a sign, something that I can put in Shea’s room,'" Jones said. "I’m going to try to get him up here this summer and walk him around before they tear it down. The Mets and the Braves have had so many epic battles over the years. It’s just been a special place. It’s been a place where I’ve really enjoyed playing. It just made sense. I love the name."

The Braves play six more games at Shea Stadium during the regular season, a three-game series from Aug. 19-21 and another from Sept. 12-14. "I love the stage," Jones said. "I love the atmosphere of playing in New York. The fans make it awfully hard walking back to the dugout with your tail tucked between your legs, so it gives you a little extra motivation to make left-handed turns when you get to first base."

See you in hell, Larry.

Josh Hamilton 1, Everybody Else 0

We never knew methadone was performance enhancing. Yikes.

Race Analysis: The Man O'War

We're taking a brief digression from fantasy baseball and diamond-related activities to take a look at this Saturday's Man O'War Stakes at Belmont Park, possibly the most fascinating race of this decade. Named after arguably the greatest horse ever (the argument is between him, Secretariat and Citation), it's a 1 3/8 mile race on the grass, which is a little weird because Man O'War never ran on the grass. The race has traditionally been run in September, during Belmont's first week after the Saratoga meet, but it was shifted to July this year to allow better spacing in the New York distance turf calendar, as the race had come up a little light in quality in recent years. And the decision to move it is paying off in spades: this year's field includes the winner of last year's Preakness, Jockey Club Gold Cup and Breeders Cup Classic and this year's Dubai World Cup: Curlin.

Yes, all four of those races were on the dirt, and Curlin's never run on the turf before. Which is what makes the race so interesting: how is Curlin going to adapt to a new surface? Some horses like Lava Man, Barbaro and Giant's Causeway had success on both surfaces. Those are the exceptions though. Most horses have a distinct preference for either dirt or turf. But the owners and trainer of Curlin (except for the two people rotting in jail) have decided that he's already accomplished plenty on the dirt (which is true). As he's out of Smart Strike, a very good turf sire (his progeny include last year's Breeders Cup Turf winner English Channel), he has the breeding that suggests an affinity for the grass. So why not take a shot?

The plan is if he does well on Saturday, they'll ship him to France, where he'll train, run in a minor prep race in September, and go in the Prix de l'Arc de Triomphe, the biggest turf race in the States and Europe. This isn't exactly unprecedented, but it's rare for US horses to even try the Arc; it hasn't happened in over a dozen years. Winning the Arc, in addition to winning the BC Classic and Dubai World Cup, would not only stamp him as probably the best horse in the world, it woudl put him in exalted historical company. And if he loses, so what? He can return to dirt racing and thump a hideous group of older males and 3 year old colts and break Cigar's record for career earnings. It's truly something of a free roll for the horse and his connections.

So can he do it? Let's do a breakdown of the field horse by horse:

1. Better Talk Now: The venerable nine (9!) year old gelding was the shocking winner of the 2004 Breeders Cup Turf at 27-1, and has had a pretty nice career all things considered. He's won a few G1's, ran second in the '06 Turf to Red Rocks (also in this race), and while his trip to Dubai this year was a huge disappointment, he bounced back with a very good 5th in the Manhattan, where traffic trouble kept him from a better slot. He also gets the added bonus of being owned by a group of regular guys who call themselves Bushwood Stables, and you can't root too hard against a Caddyshack reference. The problem here isn't his age or talent, it's that he's a dead closer in a race bereft of a lot of pace. Definite threat, but has some issues to contend with, especially given that he'll be around 3-1.

2. Grand Couturier: This guy's the lite version of Better Talk Now; he won last year's Sword Dancer at 16-1 by closing faster than all the others, but will be even further back in this race than BTN. Couple that with the fact that he's basically run one really strong race in his life (when he caught English Channel on an off day), and it's tough to make a case for him in the win slot.

3. Mission Approved: The New York-bred's only graded stakes win was stealing the Saranac at 34-1 on the front end in Saratoga last summer. There's not a ton of other speed in the race, and lone speed is dangerous in theory, but it's still tough to see him getting loose on the lead with enough left to hold off the top-quality horses. Disapprove.

4. True Cause: This Godolphin steed has all the looks of a hard-knocking bridesmaid, what with solid 2nds but no wins in a slew of turf routes. Indeed, at all three starts at this distance, he's finished second. Tough to argue that he'll all of a sudden jump up and beat multiple Grade 1 winners, though not the dumbest horse to include to round out your trifectas.

5. Sudan: Probably the best bred horse in the field, he won a Grade 1 last year...in Italy. He followed that up with a 10th place finish in a G3 in Sweden (I'm serious), and skipped home to an easy front-running victory in his last against lighter company in NoCal. He's actually not the worst idea for an upset play, as he'll probably run 2nd in the early going, is well-bred, took on some tough customers in Europe (ran okay against Red Rocks; lost thrice to 2006 Arc winner Rail Link), and his trainer, Bobby Frankel, has a nice rate of success on shippers. Live longshot.

6. Red Rocks: The 2006 BC Turf winner ships over from Europe for this race, and adds blinkers. It's a bit of an odd move to begin with, as while this is a Grade 1 win, what's the upside for him winning this race? My guess is that trainer Brian Meehan, who's not bad, is using this as a prep for next month's Arlington Million, a more prestigious race at Arlington Park. While this guy has been fairly okay in his two turf tries in the States, he's not a top-shelf turf horse in Europe as evidenced by his 6th place finish in the Coronation Cup last month. Still, even that race may have had its excuses: he had a tough trip, the 2nd and 3rd place finishers already came back to win, and Solider of Fortune, the winner, would be 3-5 in this race.

7. Curlin: 3-for-3 this year and winner of 5 straight, he's bred well for the turf and doesn't seem to have any distance issues, as he's won repatedly at 10 furlongs and was a good 2nd in the Belmont last year. But how's that going to translate to the turf? A lot of people don't love the fact that he's a larger colt, as they feel turf races, which are "one-run" in nature, lend themselves to smaller horses. Maybe. He's also not a horse with explosive closing speed that you see in a lot of turf horses (like Better Talk Now), he's more of a long-stretching grinder with a ton of speed. I expect that he'll try to make the lead at some point in this race (he may actually try to track the early runners pretty closely, given the lack of pace); it's a question of whether or not he can hold off the closers.

The Pick

While I expect Curlin to run well on Saturday, Red Rocks is in pretty good form and even if he's using this as a prep race for the Million, he should be able to win the race on class and experience. This doesn't mean that Curlin's turf experiment will be over--a good loss will still keep him on the path to the Arc. But for his first turf start, I think he's going to have a tough time beating a fairly fit turf specialist in Red Rocks.

1st--Red Rocks
2nd--Curlin
3rd--Sudan

Good luck and enjoy the race!

Get With the Program, Grey Lady

I know you think having Milton Bradley doing your blog is something special, but we were there first. Point GRBG.

Transactions Analysis: Roswell Edition

On this day sixty-one years ago, materials were recovered in the greater Roswell, New Mexico area, that many believed to be a flying saucer, but that the United States government alleged was a giant weather balloon. This debate and speculation over the possibility of aliens visiting our fair planet and crashing in, of all places, New Fricking Mexico, has lead not only to millions of bad road trips to New Mexico by broke college graduates, a way for David Duchnovy to cash a paycheck, and crap cinema like Independence Day, but also about 500,000 hours of programming on the History Channel, running second behind their non-stop quasi-live coverage of World War II.

In honor of the anniversary, and without making a gratuitous Sam Cassell or Nick Van Exel joke, we bring you the week's transactions, which may be proof positive of alien life on earth, given that three Pittsburgh Pirates were picked up last week. (El Angelo)

As further proof of the GRBG's continuing relevance down through the generations, our forebearer publication was all over the Roswell crash, though with an admittedly myopic focus on the effect that alien technology was likely to have on the park effects of various PCL affiliates in the area. Then, like now, our place in the universal family tree was secondary to advice on whether to add Minnie Minoso to your prospect list. (Teddy)

Frank the Tank

• Signed Mark Ellis, 2B, Oakland, Romulo Sanchez, RP, Pittsburgh and Damaso Marte, RP, Pitsburgh; Released Mike Aviles, SS, Kansas City and Jeff Baker, 1B, Colorado [7/2]

Either due to my team sucking or just my failure to care about western Pennsyltucky, I didn't even realize that Matt Capps was on the DL until compiling this post, so I'll give kudos to our commish for trying to make the most of the new opening in the 9th inning. Of course, it's with the worst team in the Senior Circuit and undecided between Damaso Marte, who sucks, and Romulus, who was raised by wolves. As for Aviles: ha. (El Angelo)

It's amazing to think that Rome was founded by relief pitcher Romulus and his aged, negro, storytelling Uncle Remus, but such was apparently the case, assuming I'm wiki'ing this correctly. I will forebear from linking to any of the richly deserving pictures which could run in this slot. (Teddy)

Le Dupont Torkies

• Signed Xavier Nady, OF, Pittsburgh; Released Scott Olsen, RP, Florida [7/5]

A much more defensible and sensible pickup for this team: they're already short on the bench and outfield, and Olsen, while not gawd-awful, will not be missed in the deep-if-not-top-heavy rotation of the 2006 Champs. Nice swap. (El Angelo)

Concur, though the longer-term value of this move could well be determined by where Nady ends up after the trading deadline--he could easily end up as a platoon guy for a contender, which would take a bite out of his value. (Teddy)

It's Enrico Palazzo

• Signed Greg Smith, SP, Oakland [7/2]

Letting this guy sit out in free agency for this long is a fuck up by all of us. Smith isn't the next coming of Johan St. Johan, but he's better than about 30% of the pitchers currently on rosters, and almost everyone could have used him as an insurance policy. Hell, a few squads just could have picked him up to sit him. Instead, the team in first place adds a nice pitcher to their stable. Bah. Nice going guys. (El Angelo)

Concur again. Christ, this is boring. Let's see if I can't work in some more questionable racial iconography again in the next section to liven things up. (Teddy)

The Fighting Isaiahs

• Signed Grant Balfour, RP, Tampa Bay [7/1]
• Signed Ramon Hernandez, C, Baltimore; Released Jason Varitek, C, Boston [7/3]

You could argue that adding a flame-thrower (who I initially thought was the goalie for the Winnipeg Jets) that's inherited the closer's role on the best team in baseball is their best transaction. Baloney. Dumping Jason Varitek is the better move, as replacing him with a headrest is an improvement. He's the worst player to make the All-Star team since Joe Girardi. (El Angelo)

Varitek has spent the last month at the plate praying for the sweet release of death. He has had the mien and effectiveness of a dime-store Indian, except with less dignity (racial iconography, check!). (Teddy)

Christmas Critters

• Claimed Chris Davis, 1B, Texas off waivers [7/2]
• Signed Jerry Hairston, Jr., MI, Chicago (NL); Released Greg Maddux, SP, San Diego [7/3]

A prospect that I'd never heard of seemed like an odd place to waste waiver priority, so I did a little research on Mr. Chris Davis, who Kevin Goldstein says "has mammoth, gargantuan power, and when he centers a ball is capable of tape-measure shots." Well then. He's a nice contrast to the rotting corpse of Greg Maddux, who's twice Davis's age. (El Angelo)

I've made this joke before, but "Chris Davis" is absolutely a CPU-generated player name from MLB: The Show or some equivalent. This dude needs a nickname, stat: I'd go for the white-bread trifecta by naming him "Matt" Chris Davis in honor of Matt Christopher, the terrible pseudonymic sports-novel author. Matt Christopher, anyone? Was I the only one here that nerdy in elementary school?

I'll see myself out.

(Teddy)

Wu Tang Financial

• Signed J.J. Hardy, SS, Milwaukee; Released The Rentasuck, SS, Detroit [7/4]
• Signed Jayson Werth, OF, Philadelphia; Released El Duque, SP, New York (NL) [7/6]

My favorite transaction line of the week, and not because it's a good swap of talent (it's not), but because it brings The Rentasuck full circle AND makes J. J. Hardy a new dark horse for the Pewter Pitcher Award. J.J., welcome to the club. Also, while I strongly advocate the DL-Stash ploy in this league, El Duque was not a player you should be doing that with. By the time he returns from the disabled list, he will have turned 50. So while I'm not sure that Werth should get any playing time on a roster with Bruce, Ankiel, Fat Squirrel and B.J. Upton, it's certainly worthwhile to dump El Duque simply so you can have the now-broken Johnny Damon take his DL spot. (El Angelo)

OK, let's play America's eighteenth-favorite game show, How Ang Is Justifying This Picture. I think the idea is that, with intratextual references to J.J. Hardy and B.J. Upton, a pic of A.J. Feeley and his really rather ripped soccer-playing S.O. is kosher. What do I win? (Teddy)

Matsui's Fissure

• Signed J.P. Howell, RP, Tampa Bay; Released Ryan Garko, 1B, Cleveland [6/30]
• Signed Ramon Vaszquez, SS, Texas; Released Brandon Jones, OF, Atlanta [7/6]

Ramon Vazquez is in theory a great pickup because he's having an underrated season, doesn't hurt you in any one category (and marginally helps in some) and is eligible at 4-5 positions. But in practice he's sort of an odd addition for this team, as he's unlikely to help them get above 9th place this year, nobody will trade anything for him, and he's almost certainly not keeper material. I appreciate the need for fielding a competitive roster, but this guy is twice as valuable to a team at the top of the standings to one of my fellow also-rans. (El Angelo)

Sometimes all you can do is make the correct move, even though you're hosed either way. I encourage you all to embroider that bit of wisdom on a pillow and ponder it over long winter evenings. (Teddy)

Presidential Timber

• Signed Casey Blake, CI, Cleveland and Manny Parra, SP, Milwaukee; Released Melky Cabrera, OF, New York (AL) and Garrett Olson, SP, Baltimore [7/6]

On May 3, Manny Parra was 1-2 with a 5.86 ERA and a K/BB ratio that would make Kirk Reuter blush. Since then, he's won 7 straight decisions (including all 5 starts in June) and lowered his ERA by 2 1/4 points...and it STILL took until yesterday for someone to pick him up. Apparently nobody watched his perfect game last year with the Nashville Sounds, who, for the record, have a mascot that makes less sense than the St. John's Beast or Auggie Belmont (see, right). Shame on us for not believing. (El Angelo)

Speaking for myself, I had Parra during that first terrible rush, so forgive my bitten-hand shyness in the face of his most recent good run.

As for the Nashville mascot above, he looks like a circa-2000 Giambi brother following a cocaine binge. Which, from a mascot-design perspective, might not be such a terrible thing. (Teddy)

Belmont's New Mascot

The braintrust at the New York Racing Association are back at it again. Off a spring of bad publicity that included Eight Belles' death, Rick Dutrow's bluster and suspension, Congressional hearings on steroids, IEAH's owner being implicated in bad stock deals and non-functioning bathrooms on Belmont Day, they've found the way to get casual fans to the track and improve their public image. Did they reduce admissions prices? Nah. Reduce the takeout? No, they actually raised it! Offer food and drink specials on weekends? Nope. Improve customer service? Uh uh. Make repairs to the track itself? Of course not!

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you to meet the new mascot.....



Auggie Belmont! For some reason, NYRA has decided that the best way to increase attendance at the track is to have some poor sap dress up as a frumpy 2-legged horse and walk around to badger the 70-year old simulcast players who are trying to concentrate on the late double at Arlington. But worry not, according to this interview, Auggie's quite the humorist:

Q: Who was your favorite major league baseball team?

A: The Phillies.

Q: Do you have any special filly friends?

A: Well, I recently went on a date with Rags to Riches, which made my good friend Curlin very jealous. No matter what he says, he has a big crush on her.

With banter like that, track attendance and wagering is sure to....well, not change at all. This is embarassing. Not only have they named this ridiculous thing after the great August Belmont (who's flipping in his grave as I type this), NYRA actually employs someone to come up with ideas like this. And they're taking it quite seriously---it was buried so deep on the track's website that not a single media outlet like the Racing Form even commented on it.

Look, I get that racing needs to try to market the sport to people outside of those that have been coming to the track since the days of Kelso, and wants to try to hit my generation and those younger. Fine. Right idea and laudable. But this type of stuff is not only pointless and a waste of money, it's embarassing. You want to increase attendance? Sure. Focus on things like improving the quality of the food and beverage options at the track, dropping grandstand attendance, holding events and functions that would attract Gen X and Gen Internet, and get a rebate program going that helps people who bet in the range of $10-$100 per race. Any of those would do more to boost PR and attendance than having some poor summer intern dressing up as a disheveled Mr. Ed.