Why This Year's Belmont is Boring

If you haven't heard yet (i.e., if you're not one of horse racing's 34 fans that knows what a blog is), Street Sense, the Derby winner, is passing on the third jewel of the Triple Crown, next Saturday's Belmont Stakes. Is he hurt? Nope. Is he tired? Also nope. So what's the reason? The connections feel like waiting for the Travers, a race in August.

[Trainer Carl] Nafzger said Street Sense was in good shape physically. He worked an easy half-mile at Churchill Downs on Wednesday.

"He's ready to go," Nafzger said. "I'd never use that as an excuse."

By stopping now, Nafzger said he believes he can get Street Sense back to the races quicker this summer than if he were to go to the Belmont.

"He could give 110 percent in the Belmont, but could he come back and give 110 percent in the Travers, and still be on a campaign to give 110 percent in the Breeders' Cup?" Nafzger said. "It's like a running back. You need some time off. You get tired of putting pads on every day and running wind sprints.

Is this the right decision? I'm not going to go all Bill Finley (the Steve Rushin of racing) on you and lament the fact that the Belmont's now "just another race" for the general public. The idea that the Curlin-Street Sense "rivalry" was going to bump up attendance in Elmont by 30,000 and 3 Nielsen points is insane--if there's no Triple Crown on the line, the casual fan's just not going to be interested, and it'll get the usual perfunctory ratings. And if it's a nice day, the locals will show up, no matter who's running in the big race. The notion that this is putting racing behind the 8-ball is totally unfounded; racing is shooting itself in the foot about 390 other ways ahead of Carl Nafzger's decision.

No, the real question is whether or not Nafzger is doing good by his horse. Steve Crist makes an excellent case in the Daily Racing Form that Nafzger knows from his earlier experiences with Unbridled how to leave something in the tank for the big races later in the year, and Street Sense will have to be at his peak to beat Invasor, who's arguably the best older horse we've seen in the U.S. since Silver Charm. Maybe it's a good idea to skip an anachronistically long race in June to freshen up your horse and point for the fall classics, right?

Sound as this logic seems, I have to disagree. If you've got a healthy horse here and now, and there's a historic race to run...you run him, and take on all challengers. Defeating Curlin in the Belmont would almost wrap up the division title for Street Sense, at which time he can rest with a 2-prep comeback for the Breeders Cup. To forego a spot where he'd be a prohibitive favorite to try to win the Travers is ludicrous; the Travers is the oldest race in America, and still means something if you're a Saratoga person, but the Belmont is bigger--it's the Triple Crown! Mr. Carl, I think you're doing the wrong thing here. And in the process, you've killed the Belmont from a wagering standpoint, which frankly, is more inexcusable than anything else.

So what's left for next Saturday? Well, Curlin is running, and will be a stiff favorite to make it two in a row for the classics and to take a huge lead in the race for the prestigious Eclipse Award. Hard Spun's coming back in what may be his final race before his stud plans are finalized, but it's hard to see this out of control speedball gutting it out for an additional quarter of a mile. Tiago and I'mawildandcrazyguy come back after skipping the Preakness leg, both stone closers in a race that appears to be bereft of speed. Todd Pletcher's either going to run his boy (Circular Quay) or his girl (Rags to Riches) and either will be immensely overbet relative to their chances in the race. That leaves the improving Slew's Tizzy as an interesting longshot, and as of now, you have to think the Curlin-Slew's Tizzy exacta may be the way to go.

Of course, there's a great chance some trainers will see a $1 million purse up for grabs, realize you get $100k for running third, and enter some hopeless longshots for kicks anyway. But barring someone intrguing like Sightseeing, Chelokee or Street Magician being pointed for the race at the eleventh hour, suffice to say that while the Belmont is still a classic race, it'll be the least interesting race on the day at Belmont. Too bad.

Shamless Promotion of Apartment For Sale

This has absolutely nothing to do with baseball, horse racing, Fletch, Andy Beyer, or the Hardy Boys, but I'm putting it in anyway.

My lovely wife and I are selling our Park Slope apartment, and are having an open house on Sunday. If you're interested in a 2-bedroom floor-through brownstone with a large modern kitchen, enormous bathroom, and tons of light and charm (photos below), please visit our listing from the New York Times, come to the open house on Sunday, June 3rd from 1:00 to 3:00 pm, or shoot us an email: pkslopeapt [at] gmail [dot] com.

Thanks for this digression.

Transactions Analysis: We Have A Real Trade! Edition

For the first time this year, we get an actual deal to analyze, and not just make snide comments about picking up the second coming of Dave Magadan from the scrap heap or discussing dealing middling relievers for picks. I thank Tucker & Ironhead for making this possible, and encourage others to do the same. Teddy, have you recovered from a trip full of Newcastle & Bordeaux? (El Angelo)

I walked about five miles a day in London and Paris and still came back fatter than when I left. Pick on the French all you like, but any society that orders itself in a way that allows access to fantastic fresh bread for 1 euro and a functional bottle of wine for 6 euros is a society that has something on the ball.

Also (honestly), I had some fantastic frogs' legs for dinner my last night in Paris. I now regard Doc Hopper as a visionary genius. That realization, combined with my long-time love of bacon, is going to make for an interestingly revisionist viewing experience the next time the Muppet Movie shows up on cable. After all, it's tough to root for the romantic protagonists of a film when you secretly want them disarticulated and pan-fried for your enjoyment. (Teddy)

b. mcbeef goldthwait

• Signed Chuck James, SP, Atlanta [5/17]
  .
• Traded Magglio Ordonez, OF, Chicago (AL) and Bobby Jenks, RP, Chicago (AL) to Le Dupont Torkies for Jhonny Peralta, SS, Cleveland; John Smoltz, SP, Atlanta; Chad Gaudin, SP, Oakland and Noah Lowry, SP, San Fran; Released James and Ivan Rodriguez, C, Detroit [5/18]
  .
• Released Shawn Green, OF, New York (NL) [5/21]
  .
• Relocated team from Brooklyn, New York to San Francisco, California [5/28]

Pour some out for the e.e. cummings all-stars, as they move 3000 miles to the left coast in search of better legal opportunities in the world of compliance litigation. In their wake they leave a blockbuster trade with the defending champs. I'm normally a bit reticent on taking back 4 players for 2 because of the added cost of waiving a pair of guys, but one of them was Chuck James, who isn't very good, and the other is Pudge, who's wholly unnecessary to the rebuilding plan here. So given that the other two roster spots were for all practical purposes unused, we have the addition of a great bounce-back candidate in Jhohnhnhy Peralta and a troika of pitchers for a volatile closer and an aging outfielder. I actually like the detail work of getting Lowry & Gaudin as staff filler, as they blend in perfectly behind Matt Cain and are actually the kind of pitchers you need to compete as middle-of-the-rotation fodder. All of a sudden, this team isn't far away. (El Angelo)

Hey, that NYC-to-SF move worked out great for the Giants, right? Look how many championships they've won since they moved! I confess to being uncertain about John Smoltz's contract status; if he's more than a one-year rental I really like the move. If nothing else, Peralta benefits from kicking around that Cleveland lineup, and I have a well-known bias for up-the-middle players over OFs. For this year it doesn't really solve much, because the team has just swapped a hole at SS for a hole in the OF. But looking forward you assume that it will be easier to find an effective OF in the draft next year than it will be to find an above-average SS. (Teddy)

Ed Rooney's Office

• Signed Jay Witasick, RP, Oakland; Released Heath Bell, RP, San Diego [5/16]
  .
• Signed Tony Pena, RP, Arizona; Released Witasick [5/28]

Please tell me this was merely you trying to get into the TA. More importantly, what the fuck was Jay Witasick doing on your roster to begin with? (El Angelo)

The Witasick Era was brought about by the injuries to Huston Street and Justin Duchwhatever in Oakland. Somebody had to pitch the 9th, and I gambled on the mediocre Witasick over the disappointing Kiko Calero and famed teen actor Ethan Embree. Somehow Embree appears to have gotten the job. That is only slightly less likely than Embree's previous career peak of getting paid to make out with Jennifer Love Hewitt on film before she started down to slippery slope to her present ferret-facedness. (Teddy)

Hand Banana

• Signed Carlos Gomez, OF, New York (NL); Released Pat Neshek, RP, Minnesota [5/18]
  .
• Called up Tim Lincecum, SP, San Fran from the prospect list, Signed Carlos Marmol, RP, Chicago (NL); Released Jon Lester, SP, Boston and Gomez [5/20]
  .
• Signed Antonio Alfonseca, RP, Philly; Released Marmol and Lyle Overbite 1B, Arizona; Fooled around with Ryan Madson, RP, Philly [5/24]
  

A rare bit of poor results on the roster from the '05 champs, as they end up with less than they started. Sure, that's offset more than a little by the ability to get Lincecum on the active roster, but I have to think they'd still like to have Jon Lester pocketed away on the disabled list, and maybe Gomez as well, rather than have run through all the other poor options known as the Philadelphia bullpen. And in the end they're stuck with Antonio Alfonseca. If Val were alive, I'd ask him the lyrics to Six Digit Sam vis-a-vis Alfonseca, but I'm not in the mood. (El Angelo)

It's the oldest joke in the book at this point, but I'll break it out again anyways: Alfonseca is twice as good as Three-Finger Brown. There's a chance that HB is fighting too hard to get saves--he's already out ahead of most of the pack, and the incremental value of another crappy closer might not be worth it at this point. Still, it's early, so trying to pile up counting stats is defensible. (Teddy)

It's Enrico Palazzo

• Claimed Justin Duchsherer, RP, Oakland off waivers; Released Mark DeRosa, Jack of All Trades, Chicago (NL) [5/17]
  .
• Released Jeremy Sowers, SP, Cleveland [5/21]
  

Jeremy Sowers is the poster boy for guys who look like they should be great pitchers but whose peripherals are so hideous that it's bound to catch up with them eventually. Credit to the Fourth Tenor for figuring out that now's the time to cut bait. If you don't strike anybody out, the best case scenario you can hope for is being Bob Tewksbury or Kirk Rueter. Owners of Chien-Ming Wang and John Maine should be equally frightened. (El Angelo)

The Duke pickup is an interesting one. Latest word has his hip injury as being more serious than originally thought, so this might turn out to be a waste of a waiver priority. Still, with Street out of commission it's a decent risk--the Duke has been just on the wrong side of usability in the league the past few years, but with regular acceess to saves he'd be a really nice commodity. Beats the hell out of gambling on Jay Witasick. In other news, what was Mark DeRosa still doing on a roster? The guy gave me a Natty Light at his frat's rush event back at Penn and I still won't even play him on the bench. (Teddy)

Le Dupont Torkies

• Signed Carlos Ruiz, C, Philly; Released Ben Gay Molina, C, Anaheim [5/18]
• Traded Jhonny Peralta, SS, Cleveland; John Smoltz, SP, Atlanta; Chad Gaudin, SP, Oakland and Noah Lowry, SP, San Fran to b. mcbeef goldthwait for Magglio Ordonez, OF, Chicago (AL) and Bobby Jenks, RP, Chicago (AL) [5/18]
• Signed Jonathan Sanchez, SP, San Fran and Bobby Crosby, SS, Oakland [5/19], Chris Duncan, 1B/OF, St. Louis; Released Raul Ibanez, OF, Seattle [5/20]
• Signed Pat Neshek, RP, Minnesota [5/22]
• Claimed Jon Lester, SP, Boston off waivers; Released Sanchez [5/23]
• Signed Sergio Mitre, RP, Florida and Justin Germano, SP, San Diego; Released Nashek and Carlos Villanueva, SP, Milwaukee [5/27]
• Signed Ryan Garko, 1B, Cleveland; Released Brandon Lyon, RP, Pittsburgh [5/27]
  

History in this league has shown time and time again that starting quickly is the kiss of death, and now that the Defending Champs have slipped into 2nd place, you have to wonder whether they're going to follow the fates of the many other pace-setters that came before them. If they do, it certainly won't be for lack of effort. Magglio! Ordonez is an obvious win-now guy on a fricking tear, but I have to say that the tarriff given up was fairly steep---3 solid pitchers to make up a staff. Now, it did enable them to sign (eventually) Jon Lester, who's a nice call, and Bobby Crosby, who sucks, but while I don't think it was a bad trade, it's definitely in the order of getting ducks in a row for a stud and a closer. And it still doesn't solve their biggest problem; namely, the revolving door at first base and getting Joe Mauer back in the lineup. If both of these are solved, though, this team is still the one to beat. (El Angelo)

Unless Crosby reverts back to 2003 form, I wonder whether the trade opens up a worse hole at SS than it closes in the OF. The Torkies biggest problem is that there isn't really a specific category in which they're struggling, which makes it tough to go out and get specific patches. That's part of the curse of any good team, of course, but it seems to be especially true here. The current weak points are at K (a category you can't really individually target), and SB (here I shamelessly note the presence of Juan Pierre on my roster . . .). (Teddy)

M**e

• Signed Jarrod Washburn, SP, Seattle; Released B.Y. Kim, RP, Colorado [5/16]
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• Released Washburn; Signed Jon Lieber, SP, Philly [5/17]

See, these are how transactions should work--you progress from the worst player (Kim) to the best (Lieber) with a stop-over on an execrable mediocrity (Washburn). Stop making sensible transactions Mike, you're killing our ability to make snide comments. Well, except for the fact that if Jon Lieber is your saving grace, you're probably in trouble. (El Angelo)

I dunno--while Jarrod Washburn objectively sucks, he's riding another run of great BABIP results to some fun numbers so far this year. He and Derek Lowe seem to alternate flukishly great years, and this might be Washburn's time to shine. Spot him in starts in that big ballpark in Seattle and he's a useful piece. (Teddy)

Nigerian Gentlemen

• Released Annibal Sanchez, SP, Florida [5/21]
  .
• Signed Scot Shields, RP, Anaheim [5/27]
  .
• Signed Jeremy Guthrie, RP, Cleveland; Released Taylor Tankersley, SP, San Diego [5/28]
  

While normally I don't give a thumbs up to the inking of relievers, I have to applaud taking Scot Shields here, who I could've sworn was already on someone else's roster. (Doing enough of these makes these guys jumble up sometimes into a moray of Crappyreliverwhomaycloseifpigsfly.) Shields is good enough to close for about 1/2 the teams in baseball, may actually get a spot start need be, and will get a bunch of vulture wins and saves over the course of the year since Scoscia actually knows how to use him. Unlike Joe Torre, who I think hasn't been told yet that Nelson and Stanton aren't on his roster because there are no names on the flip side of Yankee uniforms. You know what's bad about watching the Yankees suck it up this year? Not a goddamn thing. (El Angelo)

Ang, never, EVER talk about an in-progress no hitter. Repeat after me: that team is too good to play this way for long. Clemens and Hughes will turn things around. Derek Jeter smells like kittens and sounds like rainbows. Etc., etc. (Teddy)

President Skroob

• Signed Ryan Shealy, 1B, Kansas City and Mark Reynolds, 3B, Arizona; Released Chad Qualls, RP, Houston and Felix Pie, Chicago (NL) [5/26]
  .
• Added Ryan Braun, 3B, Milwaukee to the active roster [5/28]
.

• Traded Kevin Greggggggg, RP, Florida to The Sex Cannons for Andrew Miller, SP, Detroit [5/29]

Out with the crap that's useless and in with the crap that has some upside if they drink the right elixirs. Ok, I realize that Ryan Shealy is unlikely to be a star, but there's nothing to say he can't get hot and have a somewhat useful season. At a minimum, he's no worse than fungible commodities like Dan Johnson & Lyle Overbite. By contrast, Andrew Miller is gonna be good, though for now, it leaves me with a fantastic AAA pitching squad of him, Homer Bailey and Matt Garza, all guys who should be pitching in the majors, dammit. Lastly, I personally send a muchas gracias to Doug Melvin for finally calling up Ryan Braun, despite previously having no productive 3B on the roster. Tierra del fuego! (El Angelo)

I love the trade--Miller is a huge stud, and there is abso-smurf-ly no way that Gregggg was going to help this ballclub this year. It's going to be an interesting keeper season for Angelo, who needs to start praying that these kids get called up soon so that he can start separating the wheat from the Ryan Shealy. (Teddy)

The Sex Cannons

• Signed Jason Berggmann, SP, Washington [5/16]
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• Signed Hank Blalock, 3B, Texas and Andrew Miller, SP, Detroit; Released Melvin Mora, 3B, Colorado and Berggggmannnn [5/17]
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• Released Blalock and a rib; Signed Reggie Willits, OF, Anaheim [5/18]
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• Signed Alan Embree, RP, Oakland; Released Jon Rauch, RP, Washington [5/20]
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• Traded Miller to President Skroob for Kevin Gregggggg, RP, Florida [5/29]

This all turned out much better for the Grossmans than could be expected. When your transactions start off with picking up the nominal stopper in the Nationals rotation and the Rapidly Declining Hank Blalock, you have to start thinking that you're grasping at straws. The best think that could've happened frankly was Blalock's ribectomy, as at least it netted Reggie Willits, who's a shitty bet to keep up this torrid pace but may at least be useful in that lineup. The Miller card was played pretty well as he turned into Kevin Greggggg; he's closing for now, but query whether he's going to be of any use after '07. Also, nice to see Embree complete a quinfecta of shitty Oakland pitchers in this week's TA. Can Billy Taylor be far behind? (El Angelo).

This is a really aggressive win-now move by the Commish. Frankly, I fail to see how Gregg is any better than Embree, and all the Embree pickup cost was a tiny bit of self-respect. But hey, this TA will mark the first-ever edition published with the Commish in first. So who am I to judge? (Teddy)

A Retort to Reihan Salam

We try to stay somewhat on topic here at the Gazette, with insight into fantasy baseball & regular baseball, with the occasional tangent into the field of thoroughbred racing, because dammit, somebody's gotta do it. And though Teddy's on vacation, I'm sure he would agree that it's time for a very necessary digression--rebutting Reihan Salam's out of left field blasting of Fletch.

Slate happens to be a personal favorite for reading material on a daily basis, and while I can't say I fully agree with everything they write, it's often interesting, somewhat well argued, and fairly topical. In keeping with the spirit of this, for absolutely no reason whatsoever, Mr. Salam has decided to do a review and critique of the comedy classic Fletch, a mere 22 years after the movie was released. (It appears there was a collector's edition just released, which is funny enough in principle, but why Fletch and not, say, Howard the Duck?) Doing a movie review of Fletch this week is about as necessary as Paul Krugman writing a lengthy op-ed in the Sunday Times of the Teapot Dome Scandal.

Cutting to the meat of the critique, Mr. Salam's entire criticism of Fletch boils down to the following three arguments:

(1) Fletch is the first self-aware hipster. I will note that as a faux-hipster stripped of his title upon marriage, the other faux-hipsters and actual hipsters I know would be honored to have a coked up Chevy Chase as their model. Also, I'm not sure why this is bad, save for the general contempt of Williamsburg and the L train (which is often justifiable when it comes to ironic t-shirts and condescension regarding Broken Social Scene, just not with Fletch).

(2) Fletch fails miserably on jokes such as the myriad names, disguises ("Sugar, Mr. Poon?") and silly plots points, save for the Laker dream. I'm not really sure why torturing the Underhills and "using the whole first Doc?" doesn't qualify as actual comedy to the author, but hey, everyone's entitled to their opinion. I'm just not sure it merited a 3-page exegesis in the process.

(3) Fletch is a hypocrite because he hates the rich and hates the poor, and really only like the junkies on the beach (thus, in some respects, making him the first hipster). Ignoring the fact that Fletch is a straight-forward player who spends half the moving flirting with Geena Davis, only to callously dump her for Mrs. Stanwyk in the end...the relevance of this is befuddling me. Analyzing a screwball comedy with the vigor and intensity that one reserves for reviewing "Nashville" or "The Maltese Falcon" isn't just folly, it's funny in and of itself. I fail to see why a comedy has to make logical sense---it's not to be fully believed, for crissakes. The protagonist is a jackass, but a funny jackass. This makes it a bad movie how?

As a result of this insolent transgression of stupidity, I personally intend to incorporate a slew of Fletch references into the next TA, and prove single-handedly to Mr. Salam that Fletch is actually funny. Though judging from the article, this appears to be something of a lost cause.

What does it take to win?

For today's discussion, let's have a history lesson and take a quick trip down memory lane and the way-back machine and ask the question: what does it take to win the Wankdorf League? Can we glean anything from past results? Let's start with a look at the summary final standings for the last 4 years. Sadly, stats are unavailable from the 2002 season, aka, the only time that Chad & I both finished in the money. I'm sure Jake agrees with us that this is an atrocity.

2006

1.	Le Dupont Torkies						91.5
2.	Evil Empire						90
3.	Sack Flashers						88.5
4.	The Spam Avengers						82
5.	Mike						71
6.	Mr. Eko						62.5
7.	Gowanus Coxswains						60.5
8.	Vandelay Industries						57.5
9.	The Flapjacks						55.5
10.	rabid scientologists						52
11.	The Sex Offenders						46

12. Long-Term Disability 23


2005

1.	Discovery Channel	98.5
2.	The Duck Snorts	96.5
3.	Le Dupont Torkies	89
4.	The Spam Avengers	85
5.	King Hippo	72.5
6.	Winter of Discontent	72
7.	Jake in Progress	67.5
8.	i am esix snead	52
9.	Beach Bums	40.5
10.	The Burning	39
11.	Mike	37.5
12.	Evil Empire	30

2004

1.	Le Dupont Torkies	106
2.	The Spam Avengers	88.5
3.	Summer of Jake	88
4.	ghost of mark eaton	78
5.	Varitek is a pussy!	63.5
6.	Vandelay Industries	55.5
6.	Roses In May	55.5
8.	Kevin Brown's Hand	54.5
9.	Congenital Harpies	52
10.	Wu Tang Financial	49.5
11.	Evil Empire	47
12.	The Freedom Haters	42

2003

1.	The Spam Avengers	84
2.	Bad Andy	81.5
3.	Atoms For Peace	79.5
4.	Toilet Phace	79
5.	Wu Tang Financial	77
6.	Anabolic Surprise!	69.5
7.	The 73 Pintos	67.5
7.	Vandelay Industries	67.5
9.	dead midget storage	60.5
10.	Takeo	46.5
11.	Glee Club Studs	38.5
12.	Gibson Reincarnates	29

Where does this leave us, besides nostalgic? Well, let's take a few cursory observations from the summary statistics:

(1) The names may change, but the e.e. cummings style still remains the same. Seeing Ironhead's team names with some classic old ones (dead midget storage?) is just fantastmic all around. In fact, some of our owners, both active and retired, deserve rounds of applause for their well-done squad names, with personal faves being the Glee Club Studs, i am esix snead, and the always great Wu Tang Financial. It almost makes me want to ask Mike what the hell is wrong with him.

(2) Did Corey know what he was doing at any time in this league? Speaking of ghosts of owners, the WATN series will begin post-Memorial Day. If someone has found the dungeon in where Dave lies, you are my hero.

(3) 2003 appears to be the "fluke" season, in that Alex needed a mere 84 points to win, the fact that I actually finished in the money, and the difference between 3rd and 9th was under 20 points. (Hell, the difference between 3rd and 5th was under 3 points.) All the other years, including 2002, required a 90+ point effort to take the top spot.

(4) On that subject, let's note that the 3rd best finish was Teddy's runner-up showing in '05, where his squad just lost to newcomer Scot by about 0.05 ERA. Yowks.

(5) Similarly, it takes an 85+ point effort to hit the board, the fluky 2003 season aside. (Correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like this was the case in '02 as well.)

Which season do we appear to be echoing in '07? Well, we have an uber-sucky team that happens to be mine, which we see every year but 2004 (where our beloved Commish's 42 took the cellar). While Tucker had a huge edge about 3 weeks ago, that's start to dissipate slightly, much like we've seen in prior years (in 2003, I had about 106 points on Memorial Day). And there appear to be 5 times in prime contention with no fewer than 5 other squads in position to make a belated run at it in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters. So the best analog? Probably....last year.

Next post we'll go beyond the cursory review and see what a category-by-category breakdown shows us about the winners. I'd like to see I could use regression analysis, standard deviations, and ball bearings, but I'm a fricking litigator.

Preakness Preview

Saturday brings us the Preakness, the second leg of the Triple Crown, brought to you from Pimlico Race Course in Maryland. A couple of key differences between the two races: while the Derby was 1 1/4 miles, the Preakness shortens up to 1 3/16 miles, thanks to the goofy configuration of Pimlico. Additionally, while they get a good crowd at the Preakness (100,000+), it's not quite as much a madhouse as the Derby. Unless you're in the infield, where you'll see more unflattering topless UM co-eds than you ever knew existed.

As the middle leg of the Triple Crown, the Preakness has always been something of the ugly stepchild of the 3 year old trilogy. It's not at the classic distance of 1 1/4 miles, and isn't the "Test of Champions", it's instead more analogous to a pit stop on the way from horse capital Kentucky to New York. It obviously doesn't get as strong a field as the Derby (though few races do), and while it's more formful as a result of the smaller fields, it's also a bit less exciting in that you're unlikely to see a bomb win the race like Giacomo or Charismatic. And even winning the race, while a tremendous accomplishment, borders on anticlimactic--either you've foiled a Triple Crown bid, or you've cleared a necessary hurdle en route to the real test in the Belmont.

Further making the Preakness something of the Fredo Corleone of the Triple Crown family is the fact that trainers now routinely skip the race to point for the Belmont, rather than run back on 2 weeks rest after the Derby. Indeed, to some level, you have to ask whether the Preakness has become a racing anachronism by its goofy timing. This was once heresy, as horses used to never win the Belmont without running in the Preakness or another horse within 2-3 weeks of the Belmont. But we've seen this broken numerous times in recent years, with Commendable, Empire Maker, Birdstone and Jazil all pulling the trick of skipping the Preakness and pointing for the Belmont victoriously. By contrast, this century we've only seen Point Given and Afleet Alex pull the Preakness-Belmont double after losing the Derby. (This fact is also reflected in the fact we've seen Bernardini and Red Bullet win the Preakness without competing in the Derby, something that hadn't occurred since Tank's Prospect in 1983.) As a result, instead of seeing races full of Derby horses taking another shot, we've gotten multiple incarnations of second-string 3 year olds taking on the leviathans from the Derby, with blow-out results--ignoring the Barbaro fiasco last year, the last 3 Preaknesses were all romps.

Then, of course, there's the 800 pound gorilla in the room, namely, the dying financial viability of Maryland racing in general and Pimlico specifically, which is always the subject of a cranky article by Plagarizing Andy Beyer every Preakness week. Pimlico, on its best day, is one of the ugliest sports facilities known to mankind, below the level of Olympic Stadium and a bowling alley in Camden. It's a money pit to the state 364 days of the year, with Preakness day and its 100,000 denizens being the only saving grace to the state's racing year. Compounding the problem is that while all the neighboring states (Delaware, West Virginia, and now Pennsylvania) have slot machines churning money that goes right back into purses, and thus gets the better horses and fuller fields, Maryland's stymied in a non-slots world, a death sentence if you're a track outside of New York, Kentucky and Florida. With the track decaying, and a once proud racing state now approaching financial brinkmanship at the track, there have been rumors the Preakness may get moved to somewhere else in the future. I'll believe it when I see it (i.e., when Magna racing cuts its losses in Maryland), but to say it's a precarious position is putting it nicely.

Regardless, we're confronted with the fact that Street Sense is two victories away from the Triple Crown. Who's in this race and what are their chances? Let's go in reverse order of preference, once again.

We're Just Happy to Be Here

#9: Mint Slewlep. On the Preakness undercard in 1999, a depressed and suicidal patron jumped onto the racetrack and stood in the path of Artax on the hope that he'd mow him down. As a result, Artax pulled up and lost the race to Yes It's True. We'll need about a dozen drunken Terrapins or the Stanford band to pull off a similar stunt here to give this guy a shot.

#8: Xchanger. The upside on this guy is that he's won on the track, with a win in the Federico Tesio 4 weeks ago, which has produced the occasional board hitter like Magic Weisner (2002) and the aforementioned Tank's Prospect. Unfortunately, it's also produced execrable commodities like Malibu Moonshine and Ah Day. This guy looks like a pure pace factor (in a race laden with early speed) and really isn't that fast, and you have to expect he'll be running in the wrong direction by the far turn.

#7: Flying First Class. You want to like this horse because he's popped a triple digit Gowanus Speed Figure and has D. Wayne Lukas in his corner. Then you back up and realize that he's also early speed in a race full of front runners, Lukas hasn't done shit in years, and that he's run nothing shy of horribly in both his route races. This really is a poor spot for him to run, he should be sprinting. Can we future him to win the King's Bishop?

Exotics Fodder, Potentially

#6: King of the Roxy. The second horse Todd Pletcher has ever run in the Preakness, with the first being the plodder Impeachment in 2000, who clunked up for a distant third. He's going to get a ton of action because of the Pletcher factor and because he ran 2nd in the Santa Anita Derby, but he's also really a sprinter trying to sneak off with a route race. It's very VERY telling that Pletcher & Team Valor, both players who spot their horses smartly yet aggressively gave the Derby absolutely no consideration either before or after the Santa Anita Derby, and instead are trying to steal a consolation prize in a weaker race. He'll be horrendously underlaid, and while he could hit 3rd if the race falls apart, I don't believe he's remotely relevant in this race.

#5: C P West. Named for Central Park West, Nick Zito sat out this year's Derby to bring the Withers runner-up to this spot instead, and somewhat wisely so, as this guy hasn't had enough of a 3yo campaign to have made him Derby ready. He was a hyped two-year old that still hasn't developed, but he's very VERY eligible to improve in his third start of the year. He also exits the Withers, which has produced Bernardini (winner, 2006) and Scrappy T (runner-up, 2005) in the last couple of years. Can't see him winning. Can see him improving for a trifecta finish.

The Sucker Horse

#4: Hard Spun. He gets ranked above the others because unlike those hopeless causes, he actually has a shot to win this race, but no, I'm not coming within 30 miles of him. I thank him and Larry Jones for running well in the Derby and giving me the exacta, but this is where I bid them adieu. I'm not the first person to notice this parallel, but I draw you back to 2003 and 2004, where good speed horses in Peace Rules and Lion Hearted, respectively, ran great 3rds and 2nds in the Derby, and everyone thought the cut-back in distance would help them. Right? Nope. Both of them were nowhere to be found when the finish line arrived, finishing over a dozen lengths behind the winners, not to mention their defeats to luminaries such as Scrimshaw and Eddington. History repeats itself here; this guy runs with the longshots up front, then begins to back up at the top of the turn and finishes well out of the money. The good news? He'll be about 3-1 with everyone and their brother playing the "shortening up" angle and operating under the misguided notion that Pimlico favors front runners (it doesn't), putting a ton of free money in the pot for the rest of us.

Actual Contenders

#3: Street Sense. Um....didn't this guy just win the Derby? Well, yes. There's obviously a ton to like, not the least of which is his breeding, his speed, and the fact he's been expertly trained to date. Yet, I can't get past the sneaking suspicion that this is the racing equivalent of a "trap game" for this horse. Putting aside the large reservations that I have that he's clearly a Churchill Downs freak (which may or may not translate elsewhere) and that he got a clean and ground-saving trip in the Derby, there are two bigger, nagging issues here. First, Carl Nafzger has freely admitted that he single-mindedly prepared Street Sense for the Derby, and gave essentially no thought whatsoever to what came after. I don't love that; I can't fault Nafzger for pointing for Derby immortality, but it's worth noting that Unbridled in 1990 flopped in the Preakness after this stellar Derby. Second, and more importantly, something that hasn't been much discussed is the distinct possibility that there was a severe rail bias on Derby Day. Consider that not only did Street Sense rally up the rail, but also that Hard Spun held clear after torrid fractions and longshot Sedgefield ran a huge race while also taking the golden rail. Maybe the three of them were riding a bias to the nth degree (something the earlier dirt races don't disprove). If so, he's a prime candidate to regress.

I freely admit that I play the contrarian more often than not in picking races, but this is a time where I think it's somewhat justified. He's a hideous play at even money, and while he may put a huge effort up on Saturday, he won't be my pick to repeat. A much more interesting idea, though, is...

#2: Circular Quay. I'm borderline shocked that this horse is running in the Preakness, as he & King of the Roxy will be the 2nd and 3rd horses Pletcher has saddled in this race, after the immortal Impeachment clunked up for third in 2000. Pletcher generally doesn't love to run back horses on short rest (not the case with King of the Roxy, who's been dormant for 6 weeks), which makes the idea of running this guy even more intriguing, as clearly blood is smelled by the nation's best trainer. Let's also look at the fact that this guy ran fairly well off an 8-week layoff in the Derby, when he changed paths about 7 times and took the overland route to a better-than-it-looked 6th place finish. Now, it'd be folly to argue that the Derby was a prep for the Preakness, but it certainly may have been a tightener for a horse that needs it. The downside? I still don't love that this horse hasn't had any success at 1 1/8 miles, and his best stakes win was a 7 furlong sprint at Saratoga last year. But the pace looks to be strong, and he'll be flying late. Prime contender, to say the least.

The Winner

#1: Curlin. Unlike Circular Quay and to some degree Street Sense, I don't think we've seen this horse's best, and his 3rd place finish in the Derby (which I called extremely unlikely, proving my accumen) was a very, very good effort for a horse making his 4th start. I like him to improve even more here, sitting a better trip than he did last out (when his post hurt him tremendously) off a torrid pace and getting first run on the closers, who will have to wear him down. Like Circular Quay, I also think the Derby was a great effort to get some fitness into the horse; witness the fact he's only had a slow maintenence work since then to keep him on his toes. This is the race he moves forward and establishes himself as the co-top horse of the class with Street Sense.

The Picks

1st: Curlin
2nd: Circular Quay
3rd: Street Sense
4th: C P West

Good luck to everyone and enjoy the races!

Transaction Analysis: Teddy Goes to Europe Edition

We're running this edition a hair early pending Teddy's departure to the Old World to eat crepes and watch football. There are far worse ways to spend your May than in London & Paris, two of the great cities of the world. But no love for Dublin, Teddy? (El Angelo)

A full-scale assault on Ireland is on the agenda at some point, with a visit to the People's Republic of Cork high on the priority list. I will be in Paris for the Champions League final, so maybe I'll get to see expat Liverpool and Milan fans have at each other with broken pint glasses and wine bottles, respectively. There's nothing like overseas travel for exposure to new and different cultures.

Along similar lines, I fully intend to sucker punch one of the many random Londoners who wear Yankee caps as a fashion statement. I'll forebear from wearing my Celtic Glasgow jersey while there to avoid a reciprocal jumping. (Teddy)

b. mcbeef goldthwait

--Signed Gary Matthews, Jr., OF, Anaheim [5/10]

Gary Matthews is destined to become this year's Guillermo Mota, the guy who's perpetually picked up and dropped as approximately the 37th best OF in baseball. Given Mota's current steroid suspension, the resemblance is beyond uncanny. (El Angelo)

Yep, Matthews is a shade too crappy to stick with the the good teams, and a shade too old to stick with the rebuilding teams, which means that he'll be on the merry-go-round all year. He's a legitimate threat for the Pewter Parachute, which we'll actually be able to award this year now that we'll have a record of all the transactions for the season. Angelo is preparing morning lines as we speak, and I anticipate a brisk book of business will follow.

Ed Rooney's Office

--Signed Justin Speier, Broken Pitcher, Anaheim; Released Adam Loewen, Broken Pitcher, Baltimore [5/8]
--Tossed Speier in the garbage; Signed Heath Bell, RP, San Diego [5/8]
--Signed Carlos Pena, 1B, Tampa Bay; Released Chris Duncan, OF, St. Louis [5/14]

Heath Bell was such a horrendous throw-away by the Mets that I can't really rationally talk about the fact this is a pretty ok acquisition for the Nose Hairs. Somehow the Mets have tossed away very nice young relievers in Bell & Dan Wheeler with zilch to show for it, unless you count getting back the rotting corpses of Ben Johnson and Richard Hidalgo booty. Anyway, good snab here for these guys. Also, by picking up Carlos Pena, Teddy may have proven that he is, in fact, Christina Kahrl. (El Angelo)

Much as Eve was fashioned from Adam's rib, I (and indeed the entire GRBG) was fashioned from Christina Kahrl's excised wang. True story.

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Anyway, Pena is part of my continuing quest to shore up 1B. He's hitting for power at the moment, so I'm hoping that the HR/RBI bump will offset the OBP hit I'll take by playing him. I'm basically just screwing around with this roster spot and hoping that somebody gets hot. I am not, however, holding my breath waiting for that to happen. (Teddy)

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Evil Empire

--Signed Ken Griffey, Jr., OF, Cincy and Derek Lowe Face, SP, Los Angeles; Released David DeJesus, OF, Kansas City and Fernando Cabrera, RP, Cleveland [5/12]

Ok, I seriously doubt that David DeJesus is going to come back to bite you in the ass, but I seriously dislike both of these swaps here. Griffey & Lowe have only one potential source of value--flipping them near the deadline for a mid-late round pick from some uber-desperate team after they've gone on a tear. There is NO way they'll be part of your winning 2008 roster. At least DeJesus and Fernando Cabrera have remote shots at breaking out and getting kept, and besides, neither was exactly knee-deep in the Quagmire of Craptitude. I'm clearly agonizing over the last two spots on the roster, but I don't think either of these moves are helpful in the short or long term. (El Angelo)

I mind this less, if only because it's looking like there might be a real stampede for that last spot in the money this season. Hell, at one point this week even my team was only 7-8 points out of the top 3, and I decided that I was punting the 2007 season sometime around July of 2006. Ken Griffey will almost certainly get hurt at some point this season, but his OBP is up over .400, and that ballpark in Cincy traditionally turns into a launching pad when the weather heats up. I dislike the Cabrera dumping more, if only because he has a chance to pick up some saves now that Joe Borowski is going down for the third time in Cleveland. (Teddy)

Hand Banana

--Signed Lyle Overbite, 1B, Toronto; Released Edwin Encarnacion, 3B, Cincinnati [5/11]
--Signed Sammy Sosa, OF, Texas [5/12]
--Signed Pat Neshek, RP, Minnesota; Released Jason Frasor, RP, Toronto [5/13]

Wow, talk about a good idea that went wrong. I would wager that what, half the league figured Ed Encarnacion was a great breakout candidate this year at the corner spot, and yet he's done nothing but lose his job to Chris Sabo. Sometimes you make all the right moves and it still doesn't pan out. Other times, you pick up Pat Neshek. (El Angelo)
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I would have been thrilled to end up with Encarnacion in the draft this year. The impression I get from reading a Reds fansite is that the Reds management is basically scapegoating Encarnacion for the team's failure to successfully hit the unsuck button this season. Of course, from a fantasy perspective it doesn't matter much whether a guy goes down because he's a talentless hack (like, say, Jason Frasor), or because his team hates him irrationally. AAA stats don't count. Unless you were in a AAA fantasy league . . . a concept which we at the GRBG will explore later in the season. Suffice to say that I think AAA leagues are the wave of the future. (Teddy)

It's Enrico Palazzo

--Signed Fausto Caramona, SP, Cleveland [5/7]
--Signed Claudio Vargas, SP, Milwaukee [5/8]
--Released Vargas; Claimed Hideki Okajima, RP, Boston off waviers [5/10]
--Signed Rafael Betancourt, RP, Cleveland; Released Casey Lee David Janssen, SP, Toronto [5/14]

There's a nice pair of moves here; I'm personally very bullish on Fausto Caramona as either a starter or a reliever, and he's a better idea to have as staff fodder than his teammates such as Westbrook. I also really like the Hideki Okajima pickup, partially because he's actually a very good pitcher, and more because I still don't just trust Jon Papelbon to last the year. The possibility's there that he could backdoor you into 12-15 saves, which just may make the day for this squad, who continues to impress me more and more each week. (El Angelo)
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I like the Rafael Betancourt signing for the same reason--I've been waiting for the Indians to hand him the closer's job since the failed to re-sign Rick Vaughn back in '92 or so. IEP are still weak in saves and the power hitting stats; I still feel like trading Mike Young off of their bench could net help in those categories, though Young's lousy start this year might be making that more difficult. (Teddy)

Le Dupont Torkies

--Signed Bengie Molina, C, San Fran [5/8]
--Signed Chad Gaudin, P, Oakland; Released Jorge de la Rosa, SP, Kansas City [5/10]
--Signed Carlos Villanueva, RP, Milwaukee; Released Mike Jacobs, 1B, Florida [5/12]
--Relased Justin Duchscherer, RP, Oakland [5/14]

Looking at the transactions, you'd think this team was in 9th place, but instead they're leading by a healthy margin. Can I criticize when they're running more or less on cruise control? I mean, I would have certainly cut Pedro's midget friend, as I'm pretty sure he's actually dead and not a KC pitcher, but letting Jacobs go seems harsh to me. Either that, or T-Dog has come to the conclusion he's a pitcher short, and wants to fix it with Chad Gaudin, which is destined to be a historic success, much like Bacon's Rebellion. (El Angelo)
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See, now, Ang could have gone mainstream there and dropped a Whiskey Rebellion line in there, but he put a little wiggle on it. I respect that. After all, we here at the GRBG have as our mission to inform as well as entertain. Or baffle, as the case may be.

The performance gap between a healthy Joe Mauer and any sort of Molina seems like it would be worth a 5-point drop all by itself. With John Smoltz banged up as well, this seems like the stretch where the league will reel him back in, if it;s going to happen. (Teddy)

Lefty's Revenge

--Signed Joe Smith, RP, New York (NL); Released Pat Neshek, RP, Minnesota [5/8]

Smith is a ROOGY and nothing more. He's also infinitely less interesting than his namesake, who would have married both Anna Benson and Tawny Kitaen and joined Paul Lo Duca on the swinger's scene. Outside of that, he's probably an ok guy. (El Angelo)
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When you can't get Ang to say something nice about a Met, you know that the player probably tends towards the Looper-ian side of the performance spectrum. Also, re-reading the past few TA's, I see that Pat Neshek is somehow a Pewter Parachute contender as well. A victory by Neshek would indicate the presence of a pretty severe flaw in either the league's collective decision-making, or objectively observable reality. Either way reflects poorly on us. (Teddy)

M**e

--Signed Claudio Vargas, SP, Milwaukee and B.H. Kim, SP, Florida; Released Jorge Julio Jorge, RP, Colorado and Ramon Ortiz, SP, Minnesota [5/14]

Seriously? I contemplated having all four of those guys on my HACKING MASS team. For the second straight TA, M**e makes me smile happily from his silliness with pitchers. (El Angelo)

Last week I came through with a spirited defense of Mike's pitching moves. This week, not so much. To be fair, Byun-Hyung Kim has a chance to be in the closer mix in Florida. But these moves essentially balance the elimination of two guys you'd love to cut against the addition of two guys . . . you'd love to cut. Meh. (Teddy)

Nigerian Gentlemen

--Signed Jack Cust, OF, Oakland; Released Moishe Alou, OF, New York (NL) [5/13]

We all know there's no way that Jack Cust is keeping this up. The question for here is whether he's a better idea than Alou, and the question is clearly and unequivocally yes. The long-term question is whether he's Dante Bichette or Kevin Maas. I'm inclined to lean towards the latter, but still feel Beane & Co. will get a good '07 out of him, so nice job by the Olowokandis. (El Angelo)

Scientists have nicknamed the Large Hadron Collider "Jack Cust". Cust once destroyed a Humvee with his bare hands, and last month he killed a brick. Unicorns were once plentiful in Alameda County before he hunted them to extinction--and they're plentiful there again now that that he has willed them back into existence.

So apologize, lest he travel back in time to stop himself from impregnating your mother--a feat which he accomplished merely by hitting into a 6-4 fielder's choice in Altoona. Imagine the awful consequences of this home run binge! (Teddy)

President Skroob

--Signed Jorge Sosa, SP, New York (NL); Released Erick Aybar, SS, Anaheim [5/12]
--Signed Kevin Gregggggg, RP, Florida; Released Marcus Giles, 2B, San Diego [5/13]

A straightforward pair of dice rolls here; Gregggggg to eventually wind up as the Florida closer (not impossible) and Jorge Sosa as a feath in Rick Peterson's fix-it-up cap. As for the released guys, it turns out that Aybar really isn't very good, much to Bill Stoneman's and my chagrin. (El Angelo)

See, now, I would have throught that Marcus Giles might have rehabilitated himself into potential keeper status with his start this season. He's only 29, and he's hitting the ball really well in a pitcher's park. I would have kept him around for a while longer to see whether he can keep it up before ditching him for guys like Gregg, whose upside is to be flipped for a draft pick. (Teddy)

The Sex Cannons

--Signed Jon Rauch, SP, Washington; Released Doug Davis, SP, Arizona [5/10]

God, do we really have to end the TA this way? Teddy, add a fake transaction for Alex to make this more interesting, because Jon Rauch stinx. (El Angelo)

Sorry, the journalistic integrity of the GRBG prevents me from doing that. And, really, what could be more fitting than to end on the acquisition of a middling reliever with iffy career peripherals who plays on a team that neither wins nor saves games? That's what the GRBG is about, after all. (Teddy)

Pass the Rock on the Left Hand Side

From Blender magazine via TrueHoop comes this item from an interview with John Chevy Mellancamp, which I defy anyone to characterize as anything other than awesome.

I've known Larry Bird since we were kids. When he was on the Celtics and I was playing in Boston, he and Kevin McHale would come to my dressing room after the show and smoke me under the table.

Stop and ponder that for a second.

Now try your best to push the image of John Mellancamp in next to Bird and McHale out of your head. Resist the urge to spin out elaborate theories as to what McHale must have looked like when he was baked. Those are but mere tributaries feeding into the majestic stream of consciousness one embarks upon considering what the back of the 1986 Celtics team bus must have been like.

For instance, while Bird and McHale may have been smoking rock stars under the table, it's extraordinarily hard to believe that they were putting away more than convicted weed possesor and dime store Indian Robert Parish. Yeah, no doubt, Parish had to have been the big-time stoner in the '86 C's front court, so that makes three weed fiends in the back of the bus.

Except wait just a minute, because that '86 front court also included Bill Walton (shown here in his salad days as a TrailBlazer). Bill Walton, people. The man who currently broadcasts NBA games while ripping bingers from the t-shirt cannon during commercial breaks. The man who has the biggest smoker in every room he's walked into since he moved into the athletic dorms at UCLA back in the day.

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Those of you keeping score at home will have noted that we've now identified roughly 28 feet worth of stoners on that '86 team, and we haven't even gotten past the active big men yet. What about the guards? We can probably rule out Mormon Danny Ainge, but you gotta figure Dennis Johnson dipped his toe into the water every so often. Hell, at this point even Jerry Sichting is guilty until proven innocent.

The real shame here is that nobody on that team thought to call Len Bias after draft day to tell him that the secret to NBA success wasn't going out and buying questionable coke, but rather hitting the KB with enormous, goofy white men in hotel rooms in places like Milwaukee and Indianapolis. If he had only known.

Transaction Analysis: Aunt Gertrude's Revenge

We're back to the original "purpose" of this blog, that is, to offer silly commentary on the ever-present Wankdorf fantasy league. After roughly 8000 words about the Kentucky Derby, several Red Sox reminiscences, and a vacation in Aruba, it's time to do it up, old school style. Keepers of Phil Nevin, beware! (El Angelo)

The league may often be far from our minds, but never from our hearts. Our loins have thus far declined to comment on the matter. (Teddy)

b. mcbeef goldthwait

Signed Xavier P. Nady, OF, Pittsburgh; Released Jamie Carroll, 2B, Colorado [4/21]

Claimed Aaron Hill, 2B, Toronto off waiver; Released Nady [4/26]

Signed Jason Hirsch, SP, Colorado; Released Josh Barfield, 2B, Cleveland [4/26]

Signed Aaron Rowand, OF, Chicago (AL); Released Kei Igawa, SP, New York (AL) [4/27]

Signed Shawn Green, OF, New York (NL) [4/29]

Released Mike McDougall, RP, Chicago (AL) [5/3]

I can't really say a lot is bad about this, but we've got basically a lot of playing with the margins and the 22nd/23rd spot on the roster here. Kei Igawa has proven himself to be largely sucky, and now with the Clemens inking, largely irrelevant. Having him play bedmate for Kyle Farnsworth doesn't exactly help you in fantasy standings. By contrast, the Jason Hirsch flyer's a nice one; while I generaally can't sign off on Colorado pitchers as good investments, he's not a bad young guy to at least try to meld into the Cain & Co. fray. Plus when you combine him and Shawn Green, you're at the league average for players' ages. (El Angelo)

Boy, that's a lot of dross getting shuffled around at 2B. I think the short version of events here is that Ryan Theriot has some job security for the intermediate future. I also can't countenance the signing of two different Aarons in one transaction period. Hank Aaron can probably still outhit Aaron Hill, and Aaron Rowand has even poorer impulse control than Aaron Burr, so I don't think I can even say that Mayor McBeef added the best Aarons available. He did at least lay off of Aaron Neville, which counts for something

Ed Rooney's Office

Signed Rafael Betancourt, RP, Cleveland; Released David Riske, RP, Kansas City [4/19]

Signed Travis Buck, OF, Oakland [4/21]

Threw Buck under the Bus; Signed Jason Jennings, Broken SP, Houston [4/22]

Signed Michael Lowell, Eunuch, Boston; Released Brandon Morrow, RP, Seattle [4/27]

Released Betancourt, Signed Hideki Okajima, RP, Boston [4/29]

Released Okajima; Claimed Jarrod Santalmacchia, C, Atlanta off waivers [5/7]

The "benefit" of doing a longer time period between TAs is you get to sometimes see a master plan. Here's basically the transformation of a roster spot of the course of 3 weeks: Riske--Betancourt--Okajima---Saltalamacchia. It's an upgrade every step of the way, and it's moves like that that should help these guys get competitive in 5 years. In seriousness (whatever that means here), JS is a fun flyer to take, as he really has no position on the Braves, but you've gotta think he's high on the list as trade bait if they're still in it come July. I'm befuddled as to the Mike Lowell signing though, he's really not any good for a 3B-man, isn't a long-term answer, and always sucks in the 2nd half as his testosterone runs out. What gives, dude? (El Angelo)

Well, I had to play somebody at 3B until Andy Marte gets healthy and shows whether he has any long-term value. I figured that a pre-ASB/post-ASB platoon of Lowell and Eric Chavez should keep my head above water at that spot in the meantime.

Honestly, while my head knew that the Veal Saltimbucca pickup was the right move, it hurt me to let go of Hideki Okajima. Just in the short time Okerjeemer has been with the Sox, my dominant emotion towards him has moved from dubiousness through cautious optimism all the way to burgeoning man-love. He's not quite at lifelong-commitment love yet, though he's definitely past massage-with-release love. Middle relievers don't often spark that sort of depth of feeling.

But Salty is a future stud at a position where I'm already squared away, and I figure that he'll make for a nice trading option down the road, maybe with some other no-hope franchise that has a young 1B or something I could use. (Teddy)

Evil Empire

Signed James Shields, SP, Tampa Bay; Released Doug Davis, SP, Arizona [4/24]

Signed Fernando Cabrera, RP, Cleveland; Released Geoff Jenkins, OF, Milwaukee [4/25]

Released Chuck James, SP, Atlanta [4/29]

Signed Jeremy Accardo, RP, Toronto; Released Chad Gaudin, SP, Oakland [5/4]

There's a pair of things that are really nice in this quartet of moves. The first is picking up Shields, who's looked like a new pitcher in the last couple of weeks, and one that might actually play well for the Devil Rays. Certainly he's a better idea than replacement level scrubs like Doug Davis who won't amount to much more than Chet Morton's jalopy. The other good move is ridding one's self of the pitching version of Chet's jalopy in Chuck James, who the Mets have smacked around pretty badly. I suppose this makes Cabrera the not-blown-up-version of Iola Morton of the EE's Frank W. Dixon squad, a world where Nomar is clearly the Joe Hardy of the group, while Carlos Delgado cautioned the boys sternly. (El Angelo)

Do you think Iola put out? You figure that even in the '50's, there had to be girls who functioned as the neighborhood Ryan Dempster (Dempster joke, check!). I never got that vibe off of Callie, and in any event Frank was too closeted to do anything about it. But I bet Joe was breaking out the full '50's-era misinformation campaign, starting with "But it hurts me when we don't" and touching on "We'll be together forever, anyways" and "If you really loved me you'd let me" before for settling in for what any responsible modern dorm RA would consider acquaintance rape. I have trouble seeing how Iola could resist that sort of psychological onslaught--assuming she shared Chet's genes she was none too bright. Plus, with Joe involved there would always be the looming threat of a blow to the solar plexus hanging over her.

Also, Jeremy Accardo sucks. (Teddy)

Hand Banana

Released Ken Griffey, Jr., OF, Cincinnati [4/22]

Signed Slick Wily Taveras, OF, Colorado [5/2]

Claimed Hunter Pence, OF, Houston off waivers; Released Lastings Milledge, OF, New York (NL) [5/5]

I feel like we go through this every year, but it's repeatedly sad to see Ken Griffey pass on the waiver wire. Plus, when it's for Wily Fucking Taveras he's being shipped out for, it's even more tragic. Wasn't this guy good once? (El Angelo)

If I ever get hold of a chart showing the rise and fall in value of my Ken Griffey Jr. Upper Deck rookie card and autographed ball combo, I'll probably have a minor stroke. If I'd have sold out at the top (which I bet came while I was in college), I could have turned those things into 9 cases of Silver Thunder 40's and been a hero within my circle of friends. I probably couldn't get a Vitamin Water for them now.

The Hunter Pence pickup is a great one. I was poised to grab Pence if he fell to me in the waiver line, and given my OF weaknesses it was disappointing to miss out on him. With Milledge crocked for the next six weeks, the risk to HB was low. In fact, it will be interesting to see if anyone stashes Milledge away until he's healthy and ready to come up to the majors. My feeling is that the bloom is off that particular rose just enough to make it not worth anyone's while to do so. (Teddy)

It's Enrico Palazzo

Released Hank Blalock, 3B, Texas [4/22]

Released Rich Aurlia, 3B, San Fran [4/29]

Signed Casey Janssen, SP, Toronto; Released Matt Lindstrom, RP, Florida [5/5]

Okay, I know I probably should be paying closer attention, but how the hell is this team in 3rd place when their biggest pickup of the last fortnight was Casey Fricking Janssen? Hell, the way my team goes, Dan Jansen would be helpful. And yes, for those at the Derby party on Saturday, that's two Dan Jansen references in 48 hours, which is at least 1 too many. For more analysis, I turn it over to Alberto Tomba. (El Angelo)

Sorry, you're stuck with me--Alberto is out somewhere chatting up Kristy Yamaguchi and Debbie Thomas. The complete collapse of Hank Blalock is the real story here. It's a short list of guys who have had his level of success in the bigs at a young age, but then imploded like a Vegas casino before age 28. He joins the likes of Ben Grieve as a cautionary tale designed to drive rebuilding keeper teams insane as they try to make trades with an eye to the future. Also, IEP is doing as well as he is in large part due to the success of Si Si Sabathia, who has thoughtfully broken out over the past two years after a full keeper cycle of underachieving on my roster. Swell. (Teddy)

Nigerian Gentlemen

Signed Mike Stanton, RP, Cincy; Released Kaz Matsui, 2B, Colorado [4/21]

Released Stanton; Signed Brad Hennessey, SP, San Fran [5/5]

Released Hennessey; Claimed Freddy Garcia, SP, Philly off waivers [5/6]

Didn't Freddy Garcia just get dinged while shagging fly balls during practice and running into the golf cart? THIS is the guy you waste your waiver priority on? I suppose a dinged up FFFG is still better than a perfectly healthy Mike Stanton, but man, that's just awful. (El Angelo)

I still like Fab Five Freddy to be useful this year, but yeah, that's a tough way to burn your waiver priority. The one defense is that if Le Dupont Torkies keep on running away with the league, somebody is gonna fall ass-backwards into 3d place with about 73 points. That keeps a whole bunch of teams in the hunt for the money. (Teddy)

Le Dupont Torkies

Signed Ryan Garko, 1B, Cleveland; Released Brad Hawpe, OF, Colorado [4/25]

Released Garko; Signed Jorge de la Soul, SP, Kansas City [4/27]

Signed Jeff Bedpan, SP, Milwaukee; Released Fab Five Freddy Garcia, SP, Philly [5/3]

Signed Brandon Lyon, RP, Arizona [5/4]

The defending champs aren't resting on their laurels by continuing tryouts with Ryan Garko (not a horrible idea), Jeff Bedpan, and Brandon Lyon, each of which can contribute something. It's quite an interesting state of affairs; they're 20-something points in the lead, but are giving serious playing time to Raul Ibanez, Mike Jacobs and Josh Hamilton; none of which suck, but all of which are in the fungible mess category. Have to think they're just itching to trade for a real hitter to balance of the rest of the very very good core. (El Angelo)

The decisions of A-Rod and Rich Hill to absolutely stand on their heads this April have bought the team some breathing room and the luxury to play around with the last few spots on their roster. Losing Joe Mauer to the DL will throw up another roadblock, but if anybody can afford that kind of loss it's this team. The one thing you don't want to do with this kind of lead is stand pat and assume that everyone's hot starts will continue, and it looks like this team is avoiding that pitfall admirably. (Teddy)

Lefty's Revenge

Signed John Patterson, SP, Washington [4/23]

Released Patterson; Signed Pat Neshek, RP, Minnesota [5/5]

You know what's sad? That the Casey Janssen pickup wasn't even one of the two worst transaction kits this week. Pat Neshek's actually a useful reliever in the abstract, but query his role here: he ain't closing any time soon, and middle relievers really aren't all that helpful unless you get uber lucky. Of course, these guys are in straits a bit, what with Zumaya, Gagne & Schmidt all recovering from injuries, so maybe this is just indicative of the death of pitching that's actually available. (El Angelo)

You can see the idea here, which is to find some reliable middle relievers to hold the ERA and WHIP numbers down to a dull roar. Of course, that's a pretty tough row to hoe, given that every major league GM other than maybe Bill Stoneman has proven incapable of consistently identifying those sort of middle relievers on a consistent basis. If this works, somebody should hire Lefty as a consultant/fungible arm savant when the seasin is over. (Teddy)

M**e

Signed David Aaaaardsma, RP, Chicago (AL); Released Seth McClung, RP, Tampa Bay [4/20]

Signed Jamie Moyer, SP, Philly; Released Gary Matthews Jr, BALCO Informant, Anaheim [4/22]

Released Moyer; Signed Jon Lieber, SP, Philly [4/24]

Released Lieber; Signed Kyle Lohse, SP, Cincy [4/25]

Released Lohse; Signed Mark Hendrickson, SP, Los Angeles [4/26]

Signed Jason Marquis, OF, Chicago (NL); Released Jake Westbrook, SP, Cleveland [5/1]

Re-signed Jamie Moyer, SP, Philly [5/2]

And speaking of the dearth of pitching, we come to possibly my favorite transaction line EVER. I mean, I haven't met Mike, I'm sure he's a great guy and a humanitarian, but I have this fantastic image of a guy sitting over a computer in a montage day after day screaming "FUCK! Maybe this guy will work...." The Kitchen Sink approach to fantasy baseball is a fun one to watch, though I don't think it's generally a winning method. The real fun parts are (a) that he cut Jake Westbrook about 90 seconds after Mark Shapiro gave him $35 million, and (b) that of all people he ended up with Jamie Moyer at the end of the day, who may collect AARP checks in July. Just a fantastic run of pickups and drops that I want to sit and admire once again. Well played, sir. (El Angelo)

Indeed. When viewed as a whole, the thing takes on a sort of mid-period Steinbrennerian ruthlessness. There was so much churn that we here at the GRBG wondered if there wasn't some sort of pattern involved.

Turns out that Mike was chasing starts against shitty offensive teams. He cut Moyer after a start against the Nationals, then signed Lieber who was pitching against WAS the next night. After that he got Lohse for a start against the similarly offensively-challenged Cardinals team. With that in mind, Mike appears to be crazy like an Earl Weaver. Massive ups to Mike for having the temerity to pull that off under everyone's collective nose. I much prefered this league when half of the owners could be reliably counted on to suck. (Teddy)

President Skroob

Signed Chad Qualls, RP, Houston; Released Zach & Mortimer Duke, SP, Pittsburgh [4/23]

And beating out the Casey Janssen Experience and John Patterson's Johnson....ladies and gents, Chad Qualls! I really can't even endorse this, and I made the goddamned transaction. Mother of god, my team blows. (El Angelo)

Hey, it's important to stockpile the setup men from a team that will win 74 games this year. That's how championships are won. We'll always have Fenton. (Teddy)

The Sex Cannons

Signed Shane Victorino, OF, Philly; Released Ryan Church, OF, Washington [4/20]

Signed Bobby Crosby, SS, Oakland; Released Aaron Hill, 2B, Toronto [4/23]

Signed Oliver! Perez, SP, New York (NL); Released Derek Lowe Face, SP, Los Angeles [4/25]

Signed John Buck, C, Kansas City, Sammy Sosa, OF, Texas and Shawn Hill, SP, Washington; Released Gustavo Chacin, SP, Toronto, Scot Shields, RP, Anaheim and Crosby [4/26]

Released Victorino, Signed Gary Matthews Jr, OF, Anaheim [4/27]

Released Buck; Fondled Alex Gonzalez briefly; Signed Craig Biggio, Nonagenarian, Huntingon Station [5/2]

Signed Doug Davis, SP, Arizona; Released Casey Kotchman, 1B, Anaheim [5/3]

Re-signed Victorino; Signed Brian Burres, RP, Baltimore, and Placido Polanco, 2B, Detroit; Released Biggio, Matthews & Sosa [5/7]

Released Burres; Signed Ryan Doutmit, C, Pittsburgh [5/7]

This is more jumbled and confusing than trying to get through the Derby PP's this week, but I think THINK it all boils down to adding Oliver Perez, Doug Davis & Shane Victorino (2x) for a bunch of inherent injuries and mediocrities. I can't say that the last two will rise much above the fray, but Oliver! is at least talented, and will drive you to antacids more frequently than any other fantasy pitcher out there. Commish, you're lucky you don't have to root for him in real life, it's twice as hard that way. (El Angelo)

I'm psyched by the John Buck/Sammy Sosa/Shawn Hill triple pickup. That move would have been brilliant had it occurred at times and leagues when all three were good, i.e. the 1998 National League (Sosa), the 2003 International League (Buck), and the 1992 Greater Ontario Pony League (Hill). (Teddy)

The Spam Avengers

Released Aaron Heilman, RP, New York (NL) [4/23]

Released Mark Prior, SP, Chicago (NL) [4/25]

Signed John Buck, C, Kansas City [5/5]

We end the madness known as the never-ending TA with a trio of sensible moves; dumping a pair of pitchers everyone liked 4 years ago and NOBODY likes now, and finding a perfectly servicable catcher while Uncle Mike recovers from his strained ovaries. It's also worth noting the relative calmness that's exhibited in the 3-week period by Alex, Tucker & Scot, who also happen to be the 3 guys who have won the league the last 4 years and are the prohibitive favorites to win it this year. Then again, these bastards never offer anything productive or funny to comment about in these TAs, so to hell with 'em. Now where's that Glenlivet? (El Angelo)

The decision to cut Aaron Heilman also makes TSA the winners in the Aaron Derby for the transactions period. I'm sure TSA an his family are very proud of that particular accomplishment. (Teddy)